64 Things People Who Double Space After A Period Probably Do

By Matthew Wiebe https://unsplash.com/photos/hnYMacpvKZY

I was born in 1983, meaning when I was in elementary school, computers existed but sucked more than the vacuum in the Cleveland Browns’ maintenance closet. If you grew up at around the same time, you probably remember keyboard class. We learned some useful things, like the home row. We also learned some terrible, life-ruining things, like double spacing after a period.

If you still do this, I understand that it’s what you were taught. And while you and I are busy understanding things, you should understand that you need to knock it off. It’s a design eyesore, it’s an inefficient extra keystroke, it wastes space, it hurts the environment and it makes puppies cry.

Some heroes are helping to change minds. The good folks at Medium, for example, simply don’t let us double space after a period. Go ahead and write a comment on this story. Try to double space. I’ll wait.

Here’s a list in the meantime.

People Who Double Space After A Period Probably…

  1. Use a PC
  2. Wash their clothes with cold water
  3. Enable read receipts on their phone but forget to respond
  4. Try to DVR Netflix shows
  5. Do pushups at work
  6. Make someone else shuffle the playing cards
  7. Interrupt without apologizing
  8. Breathe loudly enough while eating to make a passerby think they’re doing pushups at work
  9. Recently Tebowed somebody
  10. Think meme is pronounced “me me”
  11. Loved Arrested Development Season 4
  12. Loved House of Cards Season 3
  13. Secretly love the smell of skunk spray
  14. Get gas in dollar increments instead of letting it hit F
  15. Wrote a check today
  16. Never eat breakfast
  17. Hate joy
  18. Love Phoebe and Monica
  19. Read every NFL Mock Draft they can get their hands on
  20. Think black coffee really, truly tastes good
  21. Loved Jurassic World
  22. Think Chris Pratt is just ok
  23. Wipe standing up
  24. Hold a door for someone who’s far enough away that they feel like they need to run to compensate
  25. Love conference calls
  26. Wouldn’t tell you if you had something in your teeth
  27. Get mad at you for offering them your seat
  28. Eat the last donut
  29. Love the DraftKings ads
  30. Cut a quarter out of four donuts because they “just want a sampler”
  31. Make a passenger parallel park for them
  32. Still haven’t quite mastered how to order at a drive-thru
  33. Have absolutely no clue how to pronounce “Chipotle”
  34. Say “supposably”
  35. Don’t get Settlers of Catan
  36. Think Kyle is the best South Park character
  37. Treat strangers better than loved ones
  38. Yell “DUTCH OVEN” as they’re dutch ovening someone
  39. Prefer Microsoft Word to Google Docs
  40. Took two kickers in their fantasy football draft
  41. Don’t like Robyn
  42. Think “donut” is spelled “doughnut”
  43. Leave a voicemail instead of a textmail
  44. Absolutely love all jazz
  45. Are pretty sure Kansas and Wyoming are the same thing
  46. Think Mindy is the best part of The Mindy Project
  47. Just stepped on the back of your shoe
  48. Preferred the Zune
  49. Are super stoked for the X-Games
  50. Think it should be spelled X-Gamez
  51. Have at least three DVDs that belong to former roommates
  52. Tip 10%
  53. Couldn’t get into both The Wire and Breaking Bad
  54. Have no idea computers can run out of space
  55. Pay for cable
  56. Try so very hard not to eat their boogers
  57. Finished Infinite Jest
  58. Never started Catch-22
  59. Soap their hands before they rinse them
  60. Just flipped their sweat onto you from the treadmill next to yours
  61. Said “I have such a sweet tooth” at least once this month
  62. Put their hand in front of their mouth while talking and chewing
  63. Watched Schindler’s List a second time
  64. Are absolutely 100% positive it’s correct to double space after a period.

Stop making puppies cry. They are cute and cuddly and cool.

Single space after a period. Good day.

Update: I wrote a little something to all the people who cut a quarter out of four donuts because they just want a sampler:

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