DEAR PEOPLE WHO HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON MULTIPLE TIMES
Here are 30 more things I’m assuming you do.
One of my colleagues (hi, Camille Elizabeth!) told me she hits the snooze button six to eight times before she actually gets out of bed. Every day.
That is dumb and now I’m all mad. So here’s a cranky little list that will probably make you mad as well. This is all Camille’s fault. WAY TO GO, CAMILLE.
30 Things You, A Multiple Snoozer, Probably Do
- Write checks at the grocery store
- Text your significant other, who’s in another room, asking them to get you something
- Browse Netflix without selecting anything
- Constantly get passed on the highway
- while driving in the left lane
- and you fail to see why that’s bad.
- Say “you too” when the server says “enjoy your meal”
- Install the new TP roll with the paper in the back (note: you’re excused if you have cats or toddlers or toddler cats)
- Get toast crumbs in the butter tub
- and make zero effort to get them outta there.
- Use a doggy stroller
- Own a cat leash
- Linger near the line to order food after you’ve already ordered
- Stand near the door of the train when there are plenty of seats available and will you please just sit down already
- Walk 3 abreast on the sidewalk
- Walk around shoeless in the office
- Request multiple ice cream samples
- Close Facebook, open a new tab, and immediately visit Facebook again
- Secretly haven’t finished a book in years
- Finally choose a Netflix show, and of course it's that Friends episode you’ve seen 100 times already
- Unlock your phone and stare at the home screen, totally unsure why you just did that
- Don’t clear the microwave timer after stopping it early
- Have read receipts enabled and forget to respond
- Are blissfully unaware of your turn signals
- Don’t mind when the plane takes forever to get to the gate after landing
- Just friggin stand there on the moving walkway
- Eat slowly, but make up for it by chewing loudly
- Have recently enjoyed an entire regular season baseball game on TV in its entirety
- Your favorite Dave Matthews song is any live version of Two Step that lasts over 45 minutes
- Are a few minutes late to absolutely everything