HELLO, I AM AMTRAK SNOW PLOW
CHOO HAVE QUESTIONS? I ANSWER THEM.
Wait. Who are you?
I AM FAMOUS AMTRAK TRAIN. I SEE THE SNOW AND I LOL.
Oh yeah! I saw that video! Wow, I have so many questions.
YES YES THIS IS WHY WE PRESS CONFERENCE.
Ah ha! I’m all caught up now. Okay, let’s see. What did you think when you saw you were on the top of reddit?
I DID NOT CARE.
MY ENGINEER, HE TELL ME I AM PEAK REDDIT. I SAY TO MY ENGINEER, I SAY I DID NOT CARE. I SAY TO MY ENGINEER, WHAT IS REDDIT? I AM TRAIN.
What did he say?
HE SAY REDDIT IS HUMAN THING. CHOO ALL GO ON THE REDDIT AND GIVE UPBOATS AND DOWNBOATS. HE SAY I AM PEAK REDDIT WITH MOST UPBOATS EVEN THOUGH I AM TRAIN AND NOT BOAT.
You are adorable. So you don’t care at all about all this attention?
I DID NOT BUT NOW I CARE. MY ENGINEER, HE TELL ME THIS IS LIKE BEING THOMAS TANK ENGINE FOR ONE FULL DAY. IS DREAM OF MINE AND MANY TRAIN BROTHERS AND SISTERS TO BE LIKE THOMAS TANK ENGINE. BUT NOT GORDON HE IS BAD TRAIN.
I guess now we should start getting into the bad news. Did you know you broke about 20 phones?
So is that a no?
I DID NOT KNOW I BREAK PHONES BUT I SMILE NOW. HUMANS AND PHONES. ALWAYS HAVE THEM AND MAKE UGLY FACES AT THEM. IS VERY FLAWED BEHAVIOR. IF I WAS HUMAN I WILL LOOK AROUND. LOOK OUT MY WINDOW. LET MY BRAIN WONDER. BUT CHOO JUST LOOK AT TINY SCREEN AND SAY DISTRACT ME PLEASE.
Yeah…that’s spot on.
WHILE CHOO CHOO ON THAT I HAVE SIDE RANT. SEE ME COMING? SEE WALL OF SNOW AND ICE FLYING AT YOUR FACE? PUT PHONE AWAY AND PROTECT. IS PHONE SO POWERFUL IT MAKES HUMANS FORGET THEY IN REAL WORLD WHERE ICE SEEKS FACES? IS SCARY DEVICE. MORE SCARY THAN COWS EVEN.
But the ice wouldn’t have flied at their faces if you slowed down.
OH YES IS EXCELLENT IDEA. HUMANS THEY LOVE WHEN TRAIN IS DELAY. OH HAPPY DAY THEY SHOUT ON TWITTER.
You know what Twitter is?
YES MY ENGINEER TELL ME WHAT HUMANS SAY ABOUT ME. IS PASS AGGRESSIVE WAY TO MAKE ME GO FAST.
That’s horrible. He sounds kind of awful.
HE IS OK. IS GOOD AND BAD. HE EXPLAINS HUMAN THINGS IN NICE WAY. BUT HE READS TWITTER FOOD AND I SAY MAN PLEASE NO MORE I WILL DRIVE OFF THESE TRACKS SO HELP ME.
I have no more questions. Anything else?
YES SNOW IS FUN. I HIT IT AND IT GOES FOOM AND IT BREAKS PHONES SOME TIMES. IS SATISFYING. THANKS FOR QUESTIONS. MY BOSS SAYS I MUST GO TO SHED NOW. SHE IS NO SIR TOPHAM HATT BUT IS OK.