10 things writers need to know when hunting the perfect stock photo

It’s so much easier when you know what to look for!

Score: 7 out of 10. A prime example.

Ahem. AHEM. Writers! Please be seated!

Thank you for coming. Welcome to Stock Photos For Writers. HEY. PIPE DOWN.

Dylan. DYLAN. Stop talking. Madison obviously doesn’t care about your thoughts on Infinite Jest. Have you even finished it? Of course not. No one has.

Okay. Let’s begin.

As a writer, you suck at pictures. Yes?

Yes?

Excellent. Now, for some reason, you’d like to start taking and sharing your own stock photography. Such a bad idea. Truly.

Thankfully, it’s easy to get started. There are ten foundational components every great writing photo needs. Here they are.

The 10 Indispensable, Non-Negotiable Things Your Stock Photo Needs

1. Open laptop with a black screen
2. Phone with a black screen
3. Typewriter
4. Coffee
5. Hand model, pen in hand, wearing a watch
6. Some bro with lots of sexy tattoos
7. Notebook—can be open or closed
8. Wire rim glasses—but only as a prop
9. Reclaimed wood
10. Existential dread

I see there are a couple hands raised. You want to know how many of these things your photo needs, am I right? Great. You need all of them. All ten things in the same photo.

Oh, I’m sorry, am I being unreasonable? Well, let’s walk through a scenario together.

Hi! Would you like this recipe for the ooiest, gooiest chocolate chip cookies of all time?

Oh, I’d love it! Thank you! Do I have to use butter?

Yes.

Oh. I can pass on the flour, right?

No. No you cannot.

Hmm. That’s fine. I just won’t use chocolate chips.

WHAT ON EARTH IS HAPPENING.

Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds?

You have the recipe, people. 10 simple ingredients. You can’t use seven or eight or nine. Every writing stock photo you take must include them all.

Review Of Existing Writing-Related Stock Photos

Coffee and notebook. 2 out of 10. I’m gonna be sick.

Notebook. 1 out of 10. Get this trash out of my face.

Typewriter and existential dread. 2 out of 10. KILL. ME.

Typewriter, reclaimed wood, notebook, glasses. Would have been 4 out of 10, but I’m docking 3 points for the pine cone.

Some bro and existential dread. 2 out of 10. Pro: sleeve tat. Con: everything else.

Look, I apologize if I’ve been a little harsh. It’s just that I believe in your potential. The perfect writing-related stock photo has not been taken yet. You can be a pioneer.

The writing stock photo market is sick and you are the cure. Seize the opportunity. I will not be taking questions. Good night.