Local Moron Unaware He’s Paying More For Streaming Than He Did For Cable
WHEATON, IL — “I instantly saved $60 a month when I kicked Comcast to the curb,” said Ron Roberts, a local moron who pays $95 a month for video streaming services. “I tell anyone who will listen about the freedom you enjoy once you cut the cord.”
My sources tell me that Roberts, who spends $50 a month on Playstation Vue (a cable TV replacement service), only has time to watch Game of Thrones via HBO Now and Rick and Morty on Hulu’s ad-free streaming service. It has been a little over a fortnight since he last launched Playstation Vue.
When told he’s essentially paying $95 a month for the right to watch Game of Thrones and Rick and Morty, Roberts’ face froze. His brain seemed to be rebooting. “No,” he finally said. “I saved $60 a month, remember?”
Roberts subscribes to Playstation Vue, HBO Now, Hulu, Netflix, and Amazon. His kids love watching Disney movies on Netflix, but they haven’t heard that The Mouse will soon abandon its Netflix partnership and launch its own streaming service. Roberts isn’t worried.
“What will Disney’s streaming service be, like $20 a month?” he said. “Done. I’d gladly pay double that to avoid dealing with Comcast. I can’t stand those criminals.”
When asked who his internet provider is, Roberts replied, “Oh, I still have Comcast internet. It’s so fast. You think I’d be able to stream HD video with AT&T? Fart noise.” Editor’s note: To clarify, Roberts didn’t make the sound of a fart here. He simply said “fart noise” out loud.
At press time, Roberts was texting his wife about an amazing new Netflix drama that just dropped. The couple will watch three minutes of the first episode before switching to an episode of 30 Rock they’ve seen 20 times before.
