10 ways to speak Arthur

Art Jones
Art Jones
Dec 10, 2014 · 4 min read

Jones&Jones INC. (Ed. 2014)

Wonder how to better speak to me?

Well just follow these easy, simple rules and you’ll always be capable of understanding just how “fab” I am.

  1. My life is always in a crisis.

I go to school full time at a top 100 undergraduate university, work two jobs, intern and it isn’t easy. So when I say “ my life is in a crisis,” know that it is. Either a paper or painting is due, I’m running late to a meeting or I forgot to do something. I’m like the damsel in distress of life.

MOST mornings start like this.

2. “Shindoowee” or “Shindoowii”

( noun) meaning a gathering between friends that result in a jolly good time, also known as a turn up.

(noun) a turn up with your homies that’s epic.

Sully does not want to participate in Oozma Kappa’s shindoowee.

3. It’s handled.

When I truly have a goal that has been set and my eye is on the prize. Move out of the way honey, because I’m going for it, no matter how far/ long the distance is.

  • Disclaimer: this usually involves a phone call or social media.
It’s handled.

4. “HEYYYYYYYY

I constantly impersonate the James Brown “HEY” and use it as both a greeting, interjection and reaction.

Usually me in the bathroom after coming from class.

This too. ** ( contains explicit content- listen with headphones)

5. Cursing always trumps.

In my life, cursing always trumps. Statistically it is proven to relive stress, lower blood pressure and in certain countries is a criminal offence. Thank God for the First Amendment.

*** Dislaimer: If I curse agressively, take three steps back dammit.

Words include:

Mo$^&%*#&#(@

D$(*@$W&

S!%&

BU^^$&*!

Usually what I say to friends when it comes to my cooking.

6. A, I, then U.

I tend to use the pronoun I a lot. Mainly because I am an interpersonal learner that learns by my experiences with others around me. Also Arthur comes first, always. Not to say you don’t matter, I just matter more.

7. Selfies ARE a form of ART. ( Literally)

If I say, “ let’s take a selfie,” or “ I’m trying to get good lighting.” Move out of the way, stop time for a few moments and lets continue on.

My selfie game has and will always be strong.

Kim giver her mother, Kris, the appropriate space, lighting and itme for her selfie.

8. I’m ALWAYS speeding.

MPH- 65–70 only.

WPM ( type)- 70

WPM ( orally)- ∞

**Disclaimer: When I’m walking and talking, you probably won’t be able to understand a word out of my mouth. This also can be escalated when emotional.

9. “Give me 20 minutes.”

If I ever say this, it either means, I will need MORE than 20 minutes ( 67% of the time) which would probably piss you off OR I would need less than 20 minutes (33% of the time) which results in me impressing you.

Kendrick Lamar even knows the struggle.

10. Shade-y, Shadey, Shadie

( noun) acting of shade.

Derivative of the noun, shade, from shadus, meaning one who insults others with no regrets.

***Disclaimer do not get this confused with the word , shades, meaning sunglasses.

I will throw some major shade and you won’t recognize it until a few moments later. Some also think this is where I can be the most “stereotypical.”

OTHER FAVORITES include.

  1. Fix it Jesus.
Phaedra said it best, Nicki followed up.

2. Lawwd Jesus / HAVE MERCY

My faith is strong, but so is my pimp/ church hand.

3. “ Giving me life”

Option 1
Option 2

All in all, one deposits, one takes away.

4. YYASSSSSS!

Something you just said or did just gave me life.

5. YOU SHARP!!!

Nobody likes tacky people, especially my friends.

Now Sashay away or Shante you stay.

    Art Jones

    Written by

    Art Jones

    All opinions are that of my own.

    Words from Another… Millennial

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