Mindfulness Is Not What We Make It
It’s neither light nor dark, inspired nor uninspired
I once held the subconscious belief that if my practices tasted like an inspired reverie, I was successfully practicing mindfulness. Having fallen hopefully for various New Age slogans like ‘Create your reality’ and ‘Good vibes only’, I indeed believed that if I was feeling confident, empowered, and positive, I was doing something right. That mindfulness had to feel good for it to be ‘right’.
And yes, I was likely doing a few things ‘right’ in my spiritual practice even back then. However, the belief I held that mindfulness equals positivity was an illusion. That ‘good vibes’ equals successful spiritual practice was misguided.
It didn’t take long before I caught myself in this misconception. During one morning meditation, I realized that I’d spent anywhere from three minutes to thirteen caught in a fantastical daydream that I believed was ‘presence’. Yes, the dream was beautiful. Yes, in those visions of my future, I was a lighter being — happy, confident, fulfilled. Yes, I was more than comfortable to sit silently in my own reverie.
As I finally came to witness my head lost in the clouds, it became very clear what had happened. I had forgotten where I was. I wasn’t present — I had escaped into a future fantasy of myself. One in which I was more confident, more fulfilled, and happier than I was at that moment. This entirely human mental maneuver was not wrong — but it also wasn’t mindfulness.
And while positive affirmations and visualizations can play a role in our growth and personal development, this was not what was happening here. I was not practicing positive affirmations. I was not consciously visualizing my future in an effort to harness creativity, confidence, or clarity. I was running from the place where I was. Not by foot but by thought.
I wonder how often we slip into daydreams that feel good when what we’re really after is presence. Affirmations and visualizations are certainly empowering; however, if we are after a mindful life, we also need to get comfortable with our less-than-comfortable thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.
Mindfulness has no defining features — no colour, no texture, no face. It is neither happy nor sad, inspired nor uninspired, pretty nor ugly. It embraces the qualities of whatever experience is present — without judgment, and without becoming whatever it holds within its awareness.
Mindfulness is not what we make it. It is not our dark days, nor is it our days full of glimmer and hope. Mindfulness embraces the waves of life, holding everything beneath its wing. This — this capacity to be everything and nothing at all — is something worth sitting for.
