Settling Down

One of the worst belief to have is the idea that marriage is an act of “settling down”, nothing about marriage is settling, it couldn’t be any further from the truth. People are constantly changing and shifting in priorities, personalities, ideals and to add to that, the state of flux of another person’s life makes it that much more daunting. When we’re in a marriage or serious relationship, we make a huge commitment to share our life with someone meaning it’s not just about us alone anymore, we put someone else in front of us and along with our partner, become one person. To do that we have to constantly make from small compromises to big sacrifices, I don’t think it ever gets to a point where that stops especially if we decide to start a family.

There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to get married or even be in a serious relationship, it’s not for everyone. If we value our own personal freedom, the worst thing we could do is to commit to a serious relationship, let alone marriage. If we aren’t willing to compromise on our freedom than relationships is the worst idea, they are so messy and extremely complicated that can cause serious emotional pain for any one, sometimes it’s just not worth it. Being in a serious relationship or marriage we have to mange so much change, compromises and expectations, that we have to be strong and have thick skins, when things become bigger than just ourselves, decisions have bigger consequences so we can’t be indecisive or careless.

I think we underestimate a great deal how often we change as we grow older and once that realization overwhelms us we rush to the ultimate act of “settling down” we believe in, to manage or stop change, which is to get married. Thinking that just because we have made a huge commitment, countless sacrifices, our individuality and freedom things will just stay the same, we won’t have to make anymore changes or sacrifices and things will just coast from here on out. That’s just not realistic and it’s naive to think that will be the case.

I feel everyone is guilty of having that sense of entitlement that since they have already done the hard work things can’t ever go wrong. It’s not about having the mindset of always “expecting the worse” when we commit to a marriage or serious relationship, it’s about being realistic and getting rid of the notion “settling down”. We can’t take things lightly in a serious relationship or marriage or that our work is done once we make a commitment. While serious relationships or marriages gets twice hard so can the rewards.