The Journey to My Natural Silver Hair

I remember very clearly the day I saw my first grey hair growing out of my dark brunette mane. I was perched in the hair stylist’s chair having my hair pulled into symmetrical rows of curlers in order to perfect my first perm. My head was filled with visions of how gorgeous my new curly hair was going to look in contrast to the boring straight hair I’d been born with. Then I felt a slight tugging sensation as though a hair had been plucked out of my scalp by someone’s hand. The punchline was that it felt that way because that was precisely what had happened when my hair stylist had found a silver hair nestled into my scalp and promptly yanked it out because grey or silver hairs were somehow wrong and needed to be destroyed.

I should mention that this incident took place when I was 12 years old. Yes, I was not even a teenager yet I had a grey hair. When I learned about my hair turning prematurely grey my first thought was How?? Grey hair is for grandmas and Frankenstein’s bride, not me, a young supple whippersnapper. Needless to say the kids at school weren’t understanding at all of my grey hair revolt and I became subject to more hair yanking by my ‘friends’ who were simply trying to ‘help’.

In the years to follow I found that the white and grey hairs popping up on my head definitely had a mind of their own. Some were long, some short, some spiky, some smooth and some wiry. Some were bold white, some were a dull grey and some were a shiny silver. The only thing that they all had in common was that they were all Unwelcome and a source of great aguish to me.

In response I did everything I could to cover up these invaders. I tried various different brunette hair colors which satisfied my hair color cravings for awhile, then I took a massive leap and went all over blonde. These were all futile attempt to disguise the silver roots which would always return with a vengeance. I found little relief with these temporary solutions. The greys had their own agenda as they would keep appearing no matter what color chemical concoction I paid a lot of money to be massaged into my hair as if to say “Ha! Nice try lady, but we ain’t goin’ nowhere”. The other reminder that I had grey hair came in the form of the people around me. Every time there was even a hint of grey peeking out at my hair roots someone around me would feel the need to tell me “You have a grey hair.” Some would go one step further and actually point out where it was growing. Others would smooth out my hair with their palm to get a closer look as smoothing the hair around it would make the grey hair stand up. The possibility of an invasion of personal space didn’t seem to be of concern there. I also distinctly remember a hair stylist telling me ‘For a young woman you have an awful lot of grey.’ We were now past the point of personal space invasion to veiled insults, which definitely brought me back to my perm day grey hair yanking.

Around my 33rd birthday I realized that I had been coloring my hair for 20 years. 20 years of hiding from the greys. When you also factor in the fact for 5 of those years I was bleaching my hair to a Malibu Barbie doll blonde I was left with a lot of damage, both to my hair and to my feelings of self esteem. I began to wonder just why did I feel that I had to keep my greys hidden? Was this just another one of those ‘pressures that society put on women to look a certain way’ situations? Or did I truly believe that everyone’s image of me would change for the negative if they saw me sporting a head full of grey in my 30s? Never mind that a head of natural healthy hair looks a lot more attractive than damaged, over processed colored hair, regardless of what color either option is. And also never mind the fact that by not coloring my hair at a salon I would save thousands of dollars every year. So what exactly was stopping me from just letting my natural hair grow in? It could be an interesting experiment and if I did truly hate it, well, I could cross that bridge when I came to it.

I took the plunge and started Operation: Let My Natural Hair Grow In No Matter How Grey or Silver It Is. My battle tactic was to let my roots grow for about 3 months then get an extreme haircut which removed about 6 inches of the colored hair I had left after the 3 month grow out. I followed this plan of attack to the letter, and the result was that after my haircutting salon visit I didn’t recognize myself when I looked in the mirror. As I had gotten used to seeing my reflection as a shoulder length haired brunette with blond highlights, a familiar stranger with a short brunette pixie cut shot with silver streaks looking back at me took some getting used to.

The response to my new look was mainly positive. There was only one nay sayer who told me that I looked better with long hair. Even with the compliments I was getting, I was a bit self conscious of my new short look especially as my hair was growing in even more silver than I had expected. I also came to realize that having short hair made me feel less feminine somehow. I was super conscious of the fact that the back of my neck was now feeling a draft as soon as I stepped outside. I also felt that my face was now ‘On display’ as I couldn’t hide behind my long hair anymore. As my hair grew out at what felt like a snail’s pace I saw silver chunks developing on either of my temples and a large skunk stripe appearing along the top of my head. I still had some blonde colored parts left and they stood out in a sharp orangey contrast against my new cool toned silver strands. I knew that growing out hair is akin to the old ‘a watched pot never boils’ adage, so I did what I could to punch up my appearance. I experimented with some new brighter lip gloss shades and began wearing a colorful blanket scarf whether I was indoors or outdoors. These both added some pops of color which in turn gave me some confidence and hid my bare naked neck until my hair reached the ‘just under the ears’ length.

At around month eight of my hair growth transition I realized I was officially Grey Haired. There was now more silver in my hair than my natural ash brunette.

Though also more shockingly, as my hair grew more grey, my face grew younger. The shadows under my eyes disappeared and the laugh lines around my lips were smoothed. I realized that this transformation in my face was the result of me sporting a natural and therefore more flattering hair color. So much for the theory that grey hair will automatically make you look old.

It’s been just over two years now since I decided to let my grey take over. I got another haircut after letting my pixie cut grow out for about a year which removed just about all of the colored hair I had left, then 6 months later I got a trim which finally removed every last bit of my old blonde highlights. I am now sporting a head of completely natural hair. I’ve invested some cash into products formulated for grey hair and am actually really loving my hair hue. I get compliments on my silver ‘highlights’ constantly and have been asked more than once if my hair is natural. I’ve come to like the surprise and awe reactions I get when I say yes, this is my natural hair. The best reaction I’ve gotten was when I met up with an old college friend I hadn’t seen in about a decade and the first thing he said was “I absolutely love the silver hair.” That made me smile.

I’m not yet 40 though I have much more grey than women in their 50s and 60s. I have also become a lot more attuned to hearing others complaining about their grey. While I can’t criticize as that was once my attitude too, I’ve come to see that grey hair doesn’t have to mean anything you don’t want it to. If you want to cover it, cover it. If you want to flaunt it, flaunt it. It’s your hair. Beauty comes in all kinds of definitions, and it’s ok if a certain something isn’t your thing.

Over all, my experience has taught me that you can learn to adapt to pretty much anything if you just give it enough time. And you may just surprise yourself with what you are able to survive without.