Openness To Change
What now?
She doesn’t know where to start.
When the world was created, He was given a gold crested spoon. It was not actually gold, but common metal that he took to be gold because he wanted to believe that he deserved the best. We were always meant to believe. Belief is what built worlds, broke them down, kept the people sane and drove them to insanity.
She hid. She did not scream, or jump up and down, or dance freely around the room. She hid. She pulled herself into a ball while her insides twisted timidly, wishing for ‘it’. Whatever ‘it’ was.
Maybe if she had ‘it’, she could believe that it would all be alright, and she would be okay. The openness to change needs to stem from somewhere and she would grapple onto anything, if it meant becoming ‘her’ again — the ‘her’ that she never got the chance to meet. Maybe then, she would be enough.
One cannot stand immobile indefinitely, while everything around them moves onwards and not wonder why they alone are lost, despite being the only ones not changed.
But what is enough?
She goes in search of it.
It’s wonderful how the world knew to turn its back when no one was looking and to reveal itself only once all eyes knew it was there. She has started working again because that is what’s expected at this point in the journey. One cannot stand immobile indefinitely while everything around them moves onwards and not wonder why they alone are lost, despite being the only ones not changed.
They look at her now and wonder, but few have the courage to break the speculation, to find truth.
On the first day she felt their stares and hated what they refused to say to her. For once, she wanted others to bombard her with words. To break down her resolve and to make her talk, but they hesitantly turned away and formed eyes on the back of their heads to peep into her innermost thoughts without being caught.
On that first day, she wanted to believe that the past does not dictate who we become and that what we make of our experiences is what affects who we are right now. That is within our control. We cannot avoid the expectations of others about who we should be, or where we should be. That is their problem to solve. Your only concern is where you want to be and most importantly if you’re ready to be there now. That is because we’re not always ready to be the best versions of ourselves. Sometimes it’s beyond our control and it’s okay to acknowledge and accept that. She was determined now more than ever to believe that just because you’re not going to swim against the tide, it does not mean you’re not going to find another way to the shore. Whether it is through extracting a lifeboat from your mind, or laying on your back and stretching your arms to let the tide take you at its own pace to the proper destination, you will get there.
As hard as she tried, she could not make herself believe that being you was not something to be commended for.
She ignored their turned backs. She conjured years of untapped beliefs to create someone who would understand. Someone who knew her pain. Someone who knew what it meant to be hurt by the hands of others and how it felt to be hurt by one’s own hands. As much as we’d like to think our stories are original, they’re not. Someone else has gone through the same, is going through the same, or will go through the same thing. The unoriginality of our stories does not remove their significance. Each individual makes their story their own with how they react to the experiences and what they do with the resources they have. Simply because you are you. As hard as she tried, she could not make herself believe that being you was not something to be commended for.
