Persephone
Slowing down after the exuberance of summer…
Used to be that I thought Persephone was a story of a woman who was robbed of half of her life, ripped from family (see also Ishtar). But if we set aside all that messy misogynistic mythology for a sec (so inconvenient, all that rape-y stuff in Greek mythology…), it’s interesting to think about what it means to be of two worlds and finding a way to make a life in both.
What is lost, what is gained, how to navigate it.
In general, my life is filled with abundance. If I turn one tap, I have clean water any time I want it, turning another tap gives me hot water on demand. The roof over my head feels like home — a warm, safe place where no one can tell me I don’t belong, where I can put down roots, where I am able to earn a living and protect my nutty dogs. Food is readily available, and if I choose wisely, often healthy and nutritious. My work is engaging, challenging, and satisfying (financially, mentally, and emotionally).
“Damn right, I like the life I live…and if you don’t know. Now you know.”
-Notorious B.I.G.
The interesting flip side to all this abundance, to this life of #yolo and #fomo, is that the spigots are always open and on full blast. As it is, I’m pretty seriously lacking in the genetic material for calmness. Which means I’m prone to the whole “work hard, play hard(er)” philosophy of life.
Again, not all bad. Still functioning from a place of too much good stuff. (Don’t jump on me about so-called first-world problems — tl;dr: don’t use the term, it’s #stupidoffensive, you’re welcome.)
There are limits to each day and how much can be packed into even the most frenetic life. When the choices all look so appealing, even small things can feel like Sophie’s Choice. This is the way I’ve generally framed my life, allowing myself to be easily overwhelmed and rarely letting myself get too deep. It’s a useful structure that probably stems from childhood and that’s kept me active and engaged, but rarely still. It’s definitely been rewarded in my social and work circles — Americans, and especially my immigrant family, loves the pursuit of “you can have it all.” The American dream, the never-ending consumption of pursuit.
With the end of summer, and the ebbing of sunlight, I’ve been hitting my limits harder (reluctantly, I’ll admit that my age is probably also a factor). Some part of my chemical makeup must be solar powered. Not only do I experience seasonal downturns in winter, but I also have huge expansive seemingly unlimited stores of energy during summer. Summers are wonderful. Winters are often hard and grinding.
This year, possibly age, possibly wisdom, definitely fatigue, all combined to shut me the eff down. And rather than slogging and fighting through it (possibly because with age comes some accumulated fatigue), I just stopped. Pretended to nap (I still don’t really know how to nap, so I rested on the couch, on the back deck if it was warm, in bed), read books, snuggled dogs, doodled a helluva lot, and just generally gave up trying to move every minute of every day.
It’s hard. I feel lazy. But I’m also making incredible discoveries: Food is a great source of energy/fuel! Resting can lead to elevated mood and increased energy! Considering that caffeine is my primary fuel, finding new energy sources is pretty mind-blowing. I’m looking forward to my experiments in hydration (water, rather than beer, what?).
With summer will come more deals with Hades. Of the fantastic soul-enriching activities I love, which will I dive into deeply? I’m still holding out for the both-and answer —where some fields are tended to, while others lie fallow, enriching themselves for further growth. Cycles. Or something. Just in case, I’ll pack my handbasket for the trip through the underworld now.
