Lesson learned from spending half a day in an ER
Is it all LUCK?
It’s a fact that 2020 has been a horrible year. What makes it worse for me is having to deal with drawn-out family crisis on top of that. I know a lot of people have it worse, but I can only speak for myself. I am quite lucky in the sense that not much has changed in terms of my employment status and that I am not making less money than before the pandemic.
The stress is mainly coming from managing my father’s health from across the ocean. It seemed as though every week there is a new urgent issue to be solved and I’ve lost count of the times he has gone in and out of the Emergency Room. The stress has been slowly building up and finally it really got to me; for the entire month of August I lost the will to fight it and could only keep on top of the bare minimum: I worked, ate crappy food, binge watched shows, and slept. That’s basically all I did; I lost interest in things I used to enjoy, such as keeping myself productive and healthy.
What knocked me out of the funk was actually my own trip to the Emergency Room, and I will forever be grateful for it. On a particular September Saturday, I fell sick and could hardly do anything without my heart facing and experiencing shortness of breath (“luckily”, it wasn’t COVID); a short trip to the bathroom left me panting and lightheaded and it even took me 10 minutes to walk half a block to the ER entrance. I didn’t have much of an appetite but vomited twice that day. I ended up spending half of the day at the ERE with IV fluids, a bunch of tesets, and blood transfusions. The experience was so horrendous that after leaving the ER at 3:30 AM the next day, aside from still feeling weak, I missed being in my healthy body and couldn’t wait to go back to my old routines. I wanted to take good care of my body and go back to do all the things I once enjoyed again. I looked forward to the future because I didn’t want to go back to where I just came from, ever again.
I remembered vividly when the doctors told me I would need tests and transfusions, I did not hesitate or even stop to ask “How much is this going to cost?” It’s a fair question to consider, given the state of our healthcare system. And I was told repeatedly that I was young and healthy, that I would be able to recover very quickly with the proper treatment. Even without transfusions, doctors told me my body would still recover, albeit over a longer period of time, and with a lot of discomfort.
While reflecting on what jolted me out of my “mini depression”, an idea formed in my head. My theory is that, sometimes, my father’s unwillingness to do more physical therapy and the “excuses” he makes could very likely be symptoms of the real problem — he is so wrapped up in despair that he doesn’t have the mental capacity to even think about improving. Just like me back in August when I stopped working out, ate crappy food, and stopped doing things I loved. The difference with me is that I was given a chance to leave it behind, because I am young, healthy, and can afford the treatment. Most importantly, I KNOW that I can recover and get out of it. But that’s probably not how my father feels about himself.
This makes me feel awful about how unsympathetic I have been. Don’t get me wrong — my sister and I have put in a lot of effort (and money) into managing his situation, but what we didn’t do was to try to solve his problems through his lens. And to be fair, it is difficult to do so unless you’ve been in acute health situation.
It also brought up a chilling thought in me: if I was weaker and less fortunate, would I have been able to bounce back from what happened? If I was thrown into the same situations as what other people go through (say poverty or violence), would I be able to pave a way out? The most chilling thought is the possibility that where I am is not necessary the result of my hard work, but could simply be luck and where I started; other people who are doing worse in life could simply be just starting from a worse environment or upbringing. Of course, the same can go for people doing better.
I do want to leave you with some positive parting thoughts not because I’m cheesy, but because this is how I truly feel. When you see someone better off than you, stop and consider the fact that they might have started off in a better spot; likewise, do the same for people worse off than you. Next, think how you can break this invisible barrier, and what you can do to help others break theirs. After all, the first step to solving a problem is to recognize it.
