It’s Hard to Love a Broken Woman
This comes at a very deep place in my heart. Because it’s out of acceptance of my flaws that I am able to procure this story, and that acceptance has taken years to occur. I’ve always admitted to being broken, though I have always strived for perfection, but it’s never really been clear just how broken I’ve been until recently.
It’s hard to love a broken woman. Her soul may be beautiful, and you may see so much light inside her eyes, but every day there is a piece of glass she is trying to glue back into place that just doesn’t want to stay put.
Her insecurities stem from a childhood of being raised as a girl, forcibly ladylike at all times, girly in personality and conversation, a definitive difference between male siblings. “Let me do your hair, I want you to look pretty.” This transfers into an adult life that demands perfect hair. Messy hair means ugly. “Let’s put you in this dress so you look beautiful!” So unisex style clothes (jeans/pants) don’t flatter, make you look like a boy, means you aren’t dressed up enough. “Let me teach you how to cook for you man, so you can be a great wife one day.” So gender-specific roles are automatically being forecast into her future relationships, regardless of what big dreams she may have for a successful life, she must play the part of the housewife.
Her trust, or lack thereof, stems from being hurt too many times. She was taught to be a lady, so she always smiled, always played nice, remained composure, did what she could to please others. But people took advantage of her. Friends would use her, lie to her, spread rumors about her. Boyfriends would be overly dominant in every aspect of the relationship, cheat and expect forgiveness or tell tales for justification… hit her, yell at her, blame her for everything. And she would smile and forgive, for everyone deserves a second chance. And another one after that. And another one after that. And she started to believe that she must have done something to warrant that behavior from these people. Surely they aren’t dark souls that would hurt someone for sport?
It’s hard to love a broken woman who knows she’s broken. She’s seen where she went wrong, and she wants to avoid those situations, but she’s developed habits she can’t let go of. Accepting fault that was not hers. Forgiving people where forgiveness was not asked nor warranted. She wants to stand strong, but she’s never seen the outcome of standing her ground, and foreign territory is so frightening…
She believes all the things she’s been told before. She’s fat. She’s ugly. She’s weird. She’s dirty. She’s a slut. She’s a prude. She’s too wild. She’s not wild enough. She’s jealous. She’s too relaxed. She needs to relax. She’s high maintenance. She lets people walk all over her. She’s aggressive. She’s boring. She has too much personality. She doesn’t laugh enough. She laughs too much.
Every single moment of every single day is processed in her mind to divide between what is real and what is her past getting into her head.
She needs time to build trust, and she doesn’t know how to. She needs time to build confidence, and she doesn’t know how to. She needs time to build comfort… and she doesn’t know how to.
It’s hard to love a broken woman because all of this is something that you have to adjust to. And it’s not easy. You may fall in love with her looks or her smile or her personality, but know that she doesn’t see herself the way you do. Sometimes you will have to convince her of it. And just because you love one part of her doesn’t mean you will love other parts of her, too. But you need to. If you can’t love her darkness and help her find the light, you will never benefit your broken woman.
So many people expect a relationship that is rainbows and sunshine 99% of the time. But loving a broken woman varies day by day, week by week, month by month, and you have to be able to surf the waves on the bad days, and bask in the sun on the good days. But love her, nonetheless.
It’s hard to love a broken woman because you can’t fix her. And you can’t treat her like she needs to be fixed. You just need to love her and all her flaws, and help her always find the light amidst all the darkness. That’s not something most people can do… can you?
