Week 19, 2020
Talking to Strangers: Expectations, Inferences, and Contexts
Each week I share three ideas for how to make work better. And this week, those ideas are all about empathy and communication.
Why am I writing about this? I read Malcolm Gladwell’s new-ish book Talking to Strangers recently. Three things stood out to me as important from a workplace perspective.
Let’s dig in.
1. Expectations
We think we know what people look like when they’re happy, sad, angry, surprised, or stressed out. But we don’t. Half the time we don’t even know what we ourselves look like when we are happy, sad, and angry, etc! TV and film have taught us what these emotions should look like. But reality has a funny way of not aligning with our expectations. Our mental models are flawed, incomplete.
For more on this, read this snipped from Google Books in which Gladwell relates an experiment conducted by two German psychologists.
2. Inferences
Evolution has turned us into pattern-seeking machines. And when we see people behave in certain ways, we infer things about them; about who they are and what they want, etc. And that’s usually not a problem. But when we meet people whose behavior doesn’t match expectations, we infer incorrectly. We get people wrong. And sometimes terribly so.
For more on this, check out Tim Levine’s “Duped”. This snipped (also from Google Books) has a nice little diagram illustrating the concept of matching.
3. Contexts
Imagine you meet someone who seems nervous. If they shift in their seat and divert their eyes etc, you might assume they’re lying. And they might be. But their shiftiness might have other explanations as well — explanations you’re likely to overlook unless you pause to consider. Are you certain their behavior isn’t the result of the environment or situation you find yourself in? Context is important.
For more on this, read up the Theory of Crime Concentration; Gladwell uses it to illustrate how behavior and place can be tightly coupled.
Gladwell uses these ideas to shed light on police violence in the U.S. — violence that disproportionally affects Black Americans. Often, police officers say they’re met with open hostility and that things escalate from there. And while that may or may not be true in all situations, Gladwell points out that we need to look beyond the individual to look at the system if we want to truly understand what’s going on.
People are products of their environment. And if we’re bombarded with stories about police violence against a certain minority, we should not be surprised if that same minority begins to act defensive, aggressive even, when dealing with the police. One thing begets the next. And unless we keep that in mind, we run the risk of inferring ill intent where there is none.
…
Gladwell writes about one of the pervasive issues of our time. But the lessons are applicable in the context of work as well. People are products of their environment. And as long as we keep building bureaucratic organizations, we should not be surprised when people disengage and seem to lack motivation and drive. One thing begets the next. We need to remember that.
That’s all for this week.
Until next time, stay calm.
/Andreas
