10 Stories I Might Write

November 8, 2017 — Work in Progress. I got really sleepy yesterday and skipped a day, so I’m posting on the 9th. I got really busy today because prioritization and commitment is hard, so I settled: write a “quicker” WIP of ideas, only. Vote on what you want to read next? O:)

1. Abandonment is an illusion. I’m sad that our UI/UX designer at Bra Theory is in the process of finding a full-time home. Can I do what she does? I’m going to miss her. What if we’re lost without her? What if I never have a UI/UX designer like her again? (Honestly, you could replace this situation with your fear of losing your partner…I’m of the opinion that abandonment is quite the same mechanic, in work, romance, life, and so on). Then, today, I was happy that our software engineer found a full-time home. I’m so happy for this human being. Everything that comes around goes around. I trust that he’ll leave us in a good place, and that we’ll find who we need to find to keep moving forward when the time is right. I’m so glad to have met him for this stage of Bra Theory.
2. How I learned to give feedback. It starts with a form that comes with the receipt at Szechuan Mountain House, a little restaurant in the East Village. “How was the food?” They ask. I didn’t want to tell them their fish was “old” because I thought I would hurt their feelings, but then I thought about it, and realized that feedback is what makes the world go round — and what people truly crave. I used to be afraid of feedback, but now I’m dying for our people to tell us what is horribly wrong with our bra…and they, bless their hearts, are afraid of hurting our feelings. We all react differently, depending who we are, and it’s up to us to share so that people know where we’re at. (Share your reactions to this post! Did I manage to hurt your feelings, somehow? I’m sure I did \o/)
3. My hilarious, bumbling journey through entrepreneurship. I’m afraid of making phone calls, asking stupid questions, and taking up people’s time. This year, I’ve reached a point where instead of Googling the answer (to prove I can do it myself? to avoid seeming stupid? to avoid human interaction?), I can call a vendor and say, “I have no idea what I’m doing. I think I want to do X. Show me.” Don’t get me wrong — it’s pretty horrifying, but it’s also nice.
4. Really small moments mean really big things. I caught myself, the other day, frowning when our head of production asked for white out tape in our list of office supplies. Why? “We don’t need white out tape; we’ll just NEVER MAKE MISTAKES.” It was the smallest reaction to the smallest request, but I noticed it, and it is a pattern in my bigger thoughts — the ones that “matter” a little bit more. It’s easier to giggle at this white out story than, say, to recognize that you’re not launching as fast as you can because you want to be “perfect” more than you want to launch and learn. Ouch! It’s a costly decision, born of fear — but that’s the mountain and we have to tackle our molehills, first.
5. Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? I have been that angry New York pedestrian as a bike rider passes a red light — What if I hadn’t seen him?! Both me and him would be screwed. That would show him! I hope that happens to him one day — and briefly, I find joy in imagining the worst possible scenario: that we both fuck up, and he learns his lesson. But would I rather be right, or alive?
6. A letter to a girl I used to judge, and now admire. I judged her because she was loud, proud, and asked (what I thought were stupid) questions. I thought all those things were bad. Now, I admire her because she is loud, proud, and asks questions.
7. What happens when it doesn’t work? One of my worst fears was, and is, getting stuck. I cried early on, trying to start Bra Theory. “But what about when people try it and they think it’s horrible?” I asked. My partner replied, “Why do keep saying it’s going to be horrible?” Setting up our bank account with Silicon Valley Bank, I spent a hilarious hour tip toeing around a question: “What happens in two years if it doesn’t work out? Can I cancel?” and the associates were confused, asking, “Why do you keep asking what’s going to happen if you fail?” Really, I just wanted an escape route. I was planning my escape route from failure instead of planning for success.
8. I don’t get “ambition.” Growing up, I wanted to be a squirrel, maid, and executive assistant. I didn’t really see myself as “ambitious” — just as someone who “got things done”. That changed, and is changing.
9. You don’t have to be like everyone else. I hate clothing. I hate bras. Everything feels restrictive. I used to feel oversensitive and weird about it, but I guess I’m just more of a free spirit than the people I know. I’ve felt bad about not dressing up in “professional clothes” — blazers, skirts, things with silhouettes — but now I’ve come to terms with the fact that I have a lower tolerance for sensation, and I don’t have to force myself to raise my tolerance. This applies to all things in life. You don’t have be like everyone else. You might be more sensitive or more dense to certain things, and wherever you are, you do you.
10. I don’t get “purpose”. How I discovered the difference between “work” and “purpose”.