Here’s How to Know if You Are Moving into the Right Direction
How to Find Your Delightful Passion & Purpose: Work You Love 101 (#25)
Yesterday, I encouraged you to get out of the box. I also mentioned the “paved road” of life and how it differs from the path you create yourself.
This may bring up an important question.
If you create your own path…
How do you know which way to go?
Once we stop following our culture’s “paved road” and explore what we genuinely want, lots of questions emerge.
For instance, can you relate to any of the following?
- Should you go back to grad school?
- Should you stay in your relationship?
- Should you take that job?
- Should you apply for that promotion?
- Should you get married? Or divorced?
- Should you have a kid? Or another kid?
The most refined concept (that’s still user-friendly) I know to find answers to these challenging questions was developed by Dr. Brian Whetten. It’s called….
Yes Yes Hell No
That may seem like a pretty strange name but if you bear with me for a moment, it should start to make sense.
(This is a somewhat different framework than Derek Sivers’ “Either ‘HELL YEAH!’ or ‘no.’”advice and Mark Manson’s Law of F*** Yes or No.)
“Yes Yes Hell No” considers three perspectives when making a decision:
- intuition 💡
- reason 💭
- fear. 😨
Now, the best decisions are those that receive a “Yes, Yes, Hell No” response:
- Your intuition lights up (the first “yes”) ✔️
- Your reason thinks it makes sense (the second “yes”) ✔️
- Your fear tells you to run the other way (the “hell no”) ❌
“Yes, Yes, Hell No” goals are great because they are aligned and get you out of your comfort zone — all while making sense from a rational point of view.
Troubleshooting this framework
There are typically two challenges people encounter when they look at decisions through the “Yes Yes Hell No” framework:
- They have a hard time noticing what their intuition is suggesting, and/or
- their fear is “shouting” so loudly that they find it challenging to hear anything else (such as the quiet “voice” of intuition or the calm suggestions of reason).
Regarding the first challenge, there are a number of articles with suggestions on how to strengthen the connection to your intuition, such as this one by Ashmi Pathela.
Like many things, the more often you consult your intuition, the more reliable it will become.
In terms of the second challenge, it generally helps to first listen to your fear as this can help it calm down.
Ye Chen’s article also contains a helpful distinction about the difference between intuition and fear:
“Fear or negative emotion […] can express itself through a physical response such as aggressiveness, sweating, an adrenaline rush, or a racing heart.”
In other words, intuition and reason typically express themselves differently than fear. With practice, it becomes easier to tell these different perspectives apart.
With all that being said, let’s move on to…
Taking action
Grab a pen and paper. 📝Then, take a moment to go through the following process.
- Pick a dilemma you’re currently experiencing
Write down a dilemma situation and be as specific as possible. For instance: “I don’t know whether I should take this new job or not. I will earn a lot less money but it sounds much more exciting than my current job.” - Write down the different options you have
List all the different options you are considering in this situation. For instance: “Option A: I can take that job offer. Option B: I can stay in my current job.” - Consult your fear
On a scale of 1 (no fear at all) to 10 (panic attack!), how much fear does Option A bring up for you? For instance: “If I think about leaving my job, I feel really scared. Maybe that’s an 8 on that scale.” - Consult your intuition
On a scale of 1 (ugh!) to 10 (best.thing.ever!!!), how much does Option A light you up? For instance: “If I imagine walking into my new office each day, I’m so excited. It really makes me happy. I think it’s a 10!” - Consult your reason
Now that you have gotten feedback from your fear and your intuition, allow your reason to bridge the gap between the two. On a scale of 1 (worst.idea.ever!!!) to 10 (totally makes sense), how much does Option A make sense from a rational point?
For instance: “So, I’m really scared about earning a lot less money than before but the truth is that I can make that work if I’m being financially prudent. Also, I’ve been considering leaving my current job for a really long time and I will probably always feel scared. Given that I have an offer right now that really appeals to me, I might just as well take the leap now. So, I think my reason is a 9.” - Consolidate all the answers you have gotten for Option A
For instance: “So, my intuition is a 10. That’s the first yes. My reason is a 9, that’s the second yes. My fear is an 8, that’s the hell no. So, I think I have my yes/yes/hell no-decision. I guess that means this would be the best decision for me.” - If you like, repeat the process for the other options
For instance, here’s an abbreviated version of what that could look like: “I feel a bit of fear about turning down the offer and staying in my job. So perhaps my fear is a 4? I don’t feel lit up by the idea, so my intuition is perhaps a 3? And my reason doesn’t think it’s a good idea either, so perhaps a 3 as well? I think that is a no/no/yes. Not very exciting and probably not the best decision I can make.”
The idea
If you want to create a life that is in alignment with your purpose and passion, follow your Yes Yes Hell Nos.
By consulting your intuition, your reason, and your fear, you can take grounded “leaps of faith” that get you in the right direction.
How can you feel better in just 5 minutes right now? And what do you need to pay attention to most when creating work you love?
If you’d like answers to these questions, I invite you to get my free Work You Love Bundle.
It contains my Mini Meditation for Stress-Relief. This will help you get into a more relaxed state in just 5 minutes.
You will also receive my Essential Guide to Work You Love. It explains the 4 key components of work you love.
That way, you know what to pay attention to!
You can get my free Work You Love Bundle here.
Originally published at https://www.workyoulovecoach.com/heres-how-to-know-if-you-are-moving-into-the-right-direction on October 19, 2018.
