Finding Community As A Sexuality Professional
For those who make sexuality the focus of their life’s work, the personal is professional. We are drawn to the work of sex education, therapy, or coaching because of our own experiences with a highly charged and complicated topic and we want to share our unique perspective with world. This can be challenging and finding community that supports our professional growth can be daunting, especially for solopreneurs. Choosing to be a sexuality professional is just not as simple as choosing to be a doctor, lawyer or any other profession where there is a clear path to a stable career. That is why it is so important to remember why it is that you came to this work, so that you can identify your strengths and align them with existing organizations and people who will support you and your business. I’m here today to share my story in hopes that it will help you remember why you chose such a challenging career.
Like many people who gravitate towards the world of sexology, I felt very different from those around me growing up. I am biracial and I grew up in a very segregated town in Louisiana. My parents, who relocated the family from California when I was 3, got legally married after I was born. I was their third child. Thrust into the Bible Belt where sex was a sin before marriage and co-mingling of races was frowned upon, I had to reconcile my being with the messages I received. Fortunately, my parents helped me to understand what I was up against and I had teachers who saw how I struggled with race issues and supported me through them. That crucial time of identity formation has given me a great affinity for those who are marginalized, misunderstood and unheard. What I have learned over time is that because most of us lack a thorough understanding of our own bodies and sexuality, many people will feel marginalized by their desires, misunderstood and even unheard at some point.
When I tell people that my passion for educating others about sexual topics started when I was in middle school I see shock on their faces, but it is absolutely true. I was trained as a Peer Advocate at my middle school, something I was proud of given that I saw myself as a future helping professional. What I did not anticipate was that the majority of my advocacy would be in the form of supporting my peers who were facing real issues with sex. These peers did not want to tell our guidance counselor that their boyfriends were pressuring them to go further sexually that they were ready for. They also did not want to take their “am I normal?” questions to her either. They brought these issues to me and what I didn’t know, I researched as best I could and tried to help. What I realized at that young age is that we all have the ability to understand our sexuality and to make decisions that align with our personal values and beliefs. That lesson has fueled the work that I am now fortunate to do.
In college I started connecting the dots. I studied health education, learned about intersectional feminism and was a straight-identified member of the Queer Alliance on campus. Back in California for school, I was surrounded by people from all over the world, many of whom identified as bi- or multiracial. I started to feel like there was hope after all! Then I studied human sexuality in Amsterdam. That was mind-blowing. “There is another way!” I thought. Sex education could be empowering, not scary and demeaning. Sexual expression could be more fluid, communication about sex could be more casual and blunt, and those whose beliefs and lifestyles are different from ours could be respected, not merely “tolerated”.
Years later, I started a podcast called Down for Whatever. The idea for the title, that whatever you’re into is okay, is a summarizing all of my life’s lessons into three words. In the podcast I interview people about their sexual experiences. I focus on unheard stories, ones that I feel capture an aspect of sex, dating and relationships that most of us may have never talked about with another person. I want these stories to be shared, to be heard so that we can all understand how rich and dense the experience of sex can be.
It took me a while to fully commit to a career in sexology. I made the decision after working many years in the nonprofit world as a human resources professional. I know I speak for many of you when I say that it was not an easy choice leaving the stability of a great paying job to pursue the unknown. I was passionate about the next phase of my professional life though and I was convinced of my abilities. I knew I had to go back to school and get additional credentials in order to stand on my own as a sexuality professional so I started with a Masters in Psychology. Towards the end of my psychology studies I realized that I needed to figure out a way to blend all of my studies and become a sexuality expert who could practice on her own.
Like many of you I struggled to find resources and programs to help me in my next step. Luckily, I met Dr. Patti Britton, founder of Sex Coach U, the premier sex coach training program. I have had to piece a lot of the puzzle together myself and I had to take risks that would horrify a lot of people, but I am better for it. Being a sexuality professional is brave. It takes guts to go into a room with strangers and talk to them about sex, but for those of us who have it as our calling, there is nothing more rewarding. That is why we do what we do.We have to.
It takes some time to understand your personal strengths as a sexuality professional and align them with communities that support your approach. I tend to align myself with those in the holistic wellness field. With my background in health education, I feel that sexuality touches so many aspects of our lives. My training as a sex coach supports that notion. I am now a member of the Holistic Women’s Network in San Francisco and theWorld Association of Sex Coaches. These two groups support me as a solopreneur and a sexuality professional by allowing me to highlight my expertise within these groups.
My peers in the Holistic Women’s Network know they have me to refer any clients who are experiencing sexual difficulties. What’s great about these referrals is that they are people who are already seeking holistic services, which aligns very well with my personal work philosophy. The World Association of Sex Coaches provides a way for me to be associated with other sexuality professionals. This legitimizes my work and makes me feel part of a larger community that has similar professional challenges. This affiliation gives me the opportunity to connect with sexuality professionals and allies all over the world, which makes me feel supported should I need to refer a client out for a concern that is outside of my realm of expertise. I also have an online profile that outlines my approach and audience for clients seeking services.
It can be exhausting to think about what separates you from other sexuality professionals. We all want the same thing: better, healthier sex lives for our clients. What is unique about you is the personal experiences you have had with sexuality. Take a few minutes to think about what drew you to this work. What personal connection do you have to working as a sexuality professional? What’s your story? How can you leverage your experience into meaningful affiliations? If you think that the World Association of Sex Coaches is right for you, registering online is easy. If you are not a sex coach, but feel that you can benefit from being connected to a network of sexuality professionals you can become an allied professional member. Whatever your specialty or story is, there is a place for you. There truly is strength in numbers and the community of sexuality professionals will only benefit from more voices and experiences.
Originally published at www.linkedin.com.
