Sex Coaching is the New Frontier of Sexology
The study of sex, or sexology, is a relatively new field of scientific inquiry and one that has seen tremendous challenges and changes since its inception. While evidence of interest in understanding sex and our erotic life as human beings dates back to ancient times, it wasn’t until the late 19th century when scholars began to investigate patterns of sexual behavior and classify these in a scientific way. Sexological inquiry in these early stages was framed from a medical and disease-focused perspective. Identifying behaviors that lead to negative health outcomes like sexually transmitted infections was of utmost importance, as was categorizing morally deviant sexual behaviors that were deemed unhealthy for oneself and society.
The field of sexology over time has seen detraction due to ever-changing social mores which resulted in large gaps in our knowledge of certain sexual behaviors. Like other social sciences sexology has had to change with conceptions of what is deemed important to study based on cultural expectations of the times. However the fact that the act of sex is the subject matter has made sexology even more contentious in the eyes of scientific research. Just imagine trying to locate funding for sexological research on gender-nonconforming children in 1925 as opposed to now. We are experiencing an exciting historical moment where the field of sexology is full of practitioners and researchers that are looking at sexuality from a very broad yet nuanced perspective. This is due in large part to the transformation of society’s perspectives on the very same behaviors and identities that were stigmatized centuries ago.
A Brief History
The adage of “research is me-search” could not be more applicable when it comes to early sexual research. Because of the stigma against observing the private act of sex, sexologists relied upon their own personal experiences and that of their peers and students as data. This often lead to study results that were skewed to reflect the sexual experiences of a small and quite homogenous sample of predominantly white, middle class, college-educated men. While anecdotal data is quite fun when it comes to sex, as the importance of validity and generalizability of studies increased in the scientific community the need for additional data became absolutely necessary. The most well-known for his contribution to sexological research was Alfred Kinsey who founded theKinsey Institute at Indiana University. The first large-scale studies to highlight the actual sexual behaviors and attitudes of both men and women resulted in the Kinsey Reports (Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, 1948, and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, 1953). Because of the widespread accessibility of these reports, it became possible for the layperson to see just how represented their particular sexual tastes were compared to the general population. Some people saw this as validation while others were left with the question “now what?”
It is important to know about common sexual experiences however the conflation of what is “common” with what is “normal” has become problematic for those who may fit more into the narrow ends of the bell curve. The sexual needs of outliers are just as valid (though perhaps more rare) than those more commonly observed. So while people may have seen themselves reflected in the pages of the Kinsey Report, this did not free them from the societal judgment that they were doing something wrong by seeking sexual pleasure in a way that most people were not.
In order to get beyond the data, sexology had to start addressing the concerns of these individuals who now had permission to talk about their preferences. This, combined with increased interest in psychotherapy, gave rise to sex therapy which initially aimed to address what were identified as paraphilias (sexual perversions or deviations). As society changes its conception of certain behaviors and lifestyles, certain paraphilias have been dropped from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). For instance, homosexuality is no longer listed and it would be rare these days to find a sex therapist who would “treat” someone for homosexuality. There are still paraphilias which remain in the DSM that sex therapists will address with their patients. The goal of sex therapy is to ensure a healthy expression of sexual desires and to delve into why the patient may be engaging in unhealthy behaviors using his or her personal history as the framework. As society changes its views on these topics, we will likely see fewer and fewer paraphilias in the DSM.
While the newly developed field of sex coaching also addresses issues of sexual concern from a personal perspective, its basic assumption is that if an individual is mentally well in their day to day life, their sexual preferences do not necessarily reflect a pathology. Sex coaches approach each client with an openness to what their sexual desires are and what their past experiences have been, then work with them to develop a course of action using goal-setting which is the backbone of coaching. In some cases, coaches may refer clients to sex therapists or other mental health practitioners if they feel that the client needs that level of support. A good example of this would be when a client has experienced sexual trauma and has not undergone treatment in the past to address how the trauma has affected them.
Where are we now?
The role of sexology has changed recently as society strives to become more inclusive and understanding. The biggest shift in the study of sexology occurred after the Civil Rights and Women’s Movements of the 1960s when women, people of color and sexual minorities demanded more from and were able to participate in scientific research and inquiry. Visibility of these groups in sexological research has allowed us to understand more clearly the many ways in which race, gender, sexual orientation, class and physical ability all play a role in sexual expression.
Sexology is multidisciplinary and multi-faceted. It calls upon the diverse fields of anatomy, physiology, biochemistry, psychology, sociology and education to name a few. There are so many factors that contribute to the ways in which sex is expressed in the world at large, the list could really go on indefinitely. Perhaps the most interesting part of sexology is the fact that sex is interwoven into so many aspects of human experience.Dr. Patti Britton, founder of Sex Coach U, created a framework to examine all of the facets of sexual experience using her MEBES model. The intention behind using the MEBES model is to acknowledge how sex impacts us on an individual level mentally, emotionally, bodily, energetically and spiritually (MEBES). This tool has been used by sex coaches worldwide to hone in on their client’s specific motivations, give them permission to express their true desires and provide a space for being heard without judgement. Often, the latter is the most transformative aspect of the coaching experience.
The Role of Sex Coaching in Sexology’s Future
Sex coaching is the marriage of sexology and coaching. Sex coaches use their knowledge of sexual behaviors, attitudes and beliefs as well as their insight into specific sexual physiological responses to guide their clients toward actionable plans to increase their experience of sexual pleasure and meet their stated goals. The World Association of Sex Coaches is the premier certifying body for sex coaches worldwide. The Association provides oversight in the field by ensuring that members have met high standards for both sexology and coaching.
Sex coaches are a diverse group of individuals from professional backgrounds as varied as licensed clinical mental health practitioners, activists, holistic healers, researchers, physicians, and engineers. Some coaches work primarily with historically marginalized groups like those who align themselves with the kink community, some work with couples as a way to help deepen partner sex, others are generalists. The face of sex coaching therefore is as diverse as the needs of the clients who seek coaching and reflects the evolving field of sexology.
The focus of sex coaching sessions is to acknowledge the specific ways in which sex is presenting an issue for the client. This makes the process of sex coaching highly individualized. While many clients seek coaching for common sexual concerns like sexual desire mis-match in a relationship, early ejaculation or difficulty maintaining or building arousal, the road to resolution is different for each person. The role of a sex coach is to help identify the concern of the client and its origins, determine what the ideal outcomes are, create a plan and hold the client to that action plan. Sex coaching is a highly collaborative process in which the client is expected to take ownership of their sexual wellbeing in ways that he or she may never have had the opportunity to do in the past.
Why Sex Coaching Matters
People who are able to experience joy from their sexuality have more fulfilling lives. They are able to confidently ask for what they want and politely decline what they do not, which is deeply empowering. Knowing what turns us on is only the first step towards fully appreciating ourselves as sexual beings. We must also have the courage to seek out what excites us, dip a toe in the unknown or the taboo, and see what happens. This can often be a daunting process as most of us grew up receiving negative messages about sex. Some of those messages were communicated to us through religious practice, media, our family members or peers and are hard to turn off as adults. Sadly, this along with so many other factors can inhibit our sense of joy when it comes to sex.
Sexology has transformed from the study of what is to the study of what can be. The focus of sexual research has shifted from norms and categorizations to creating a detailed representation of the variety of sexual experiences possible in this world. With the inclusion of diverse perspectives in the research process, new questions are formulated everyday which result in an even greater understanding of sexuality’s deep roots in the human experience. Coaching as a profession is the result of the social legitimization of sexual identities and the inclusion of practitioners with a wide array of backgrounds who have a vested interest in helping others realize their full sexual potential as an individual with unique needs. In short, coaching can help dismantle those harmful messages that serve as barriers to pleasure by affirming each individual’s true sexual nature.
Sex coaching acknowledges that a person may not need therapy to remove the roadblocks from their path to sexual gratification. They may need only turn to a coach to help them gain confidence, learn a particular sexual skill or move forward into the often overwhelming world of dating. For those who are ready to take the next step, locating a sex coach is as easy as searching the World Association of Sex Coachesdirectory. As the field continues to grow rapidly there will be a sex coach to help anyone who is seeking a better and more fulfilling sex life. That is the exciting and magnificent future of sexology.
Originally published at www.linkedin.com.
