When Does Size Really Matter?

by Dr. Stephanie Hunter Jones, World Association of Sex Coaches Certified Sex Coach

Low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and even panic attacks over penis size are a common occurrence among many men. In my practice I have seen male clients who sought medication to control these negative emotional states. I have heard horrifying stories of previous partners and other males in gyms, spas, locker rooms, and showers, who teased and even ridiculed them over their penis size. They sought one therapist after another only to be told, “size doesn’t matter.” The frustration for these males lies in the fact that they have been told since adolescence that “size does matter.”

So when does size really matter? When it matters to you!

Let us explore why it matters to you. First ask yourself where your conviction that penis size is a matter of great significance began. Who first told you that one must have a penis of a certain size to be a great lover, or to satisfy a partner? When and how did this manner of handing all your authority over to your penis originate?

For many men the answer lies in their introduction to pornography. Adolescent males often consider porn to be “real sex,” and this intensifies their false expectations regarding penis size. Although pornography can be sexually exciting, it is not an accurate reflection of physiological reality, and can leave some males with the expectancy that their penis should look and perform like that of a porn star.

Once you have identified the origins of your false belief regarding penis size, you can make the decision to amend it. If you have been ridiculed by a past partner, it is important for you to realize that like attracts like. If size has been of importance to you, then you have attracted partners for whom it has also been important. On the other hand, if you are liberated of this fictitious sexual stereotype, then you will attract partners who are also free of the incorrect belief. Change those undesirable ideas about the size of your penis and you will change your sex life!

It is also imperative that you get your sexuality out of your head and back into your body where it belongs! From the body’s perspective sex is flawless, natural, and free of all judgments. Harmful opinions about your penis size come solely from your mind. This untruthful belief generates internal messages such as “my penis is too tiny,” “I’m not a great lover,” or “my body is overweight/skinny/too short/too tall, so no one will find you attractive.” These destructive self-communications generate a block that divides you from your body’s normal needs.

Finally, embrace a form of sensual expression where penis size does not matter, by becoming a master of the art of oral sex! Regrettably, oral sex is often called “foreplay,” as though it were merely a setup for the “main event.” This stems from a long-standing conviction that sex is exclusively for procreation; that there must be intercourse involved for it to be authentic. However, there are numerous males and females, both hetero and gay, who strongly prefer the art of oral sex to penetration, because it can be a more intimate–and hotter– way for individuals to express their sexuality.

The truth is your penis size has nothing to do with you being masculine, or your ability to give and receive sexual pleasure. Being a man and a wonderful lover does not come from the size of your penis, but from the size of your heart, the organ that will truly allow you to satisfy countless lovers — through self-love and self-acceptance, the ability to listen, and the generosity of providing and receiving pleasure.

Dr. Stephanie Hunter Jones is a clinical sexologist and a World Association of Sex Coaches Certified Sex Coach. She has been featured in People Magazine and Psychology Tomorrow and is the creator of Sensual Hypnosis. She is an artist and author.


Originally published at worldassociationofsexcoaches.org on February 19, 2016.