Chocolate Chewy Valid Adult/Jackie Lea Shelley

Why I Am Delaying My Graduation From the World Domination Summit

A Response Essay to a Fellow World Dominatrix

Today, Nathan Agin declared that he has graduated from World Domination Summit. I completely understand where he is coming from. After all, the morning after the summit, I felt exactly the same way:

July 8, 2013 “I have graduated,” says @jackinessity

However, by evening of that same day, I had changed my mind. I will be at #WDS2014, come hell or high water. You see, I told Chris Guillebeau that I would be there. (I also told him that he was stubborn… which he is. By the way.)

July 8, 2013 “I’ll be there” says jackinessity@gmail

On July 8, 2013, I published the second installment in a series of experimental “twitter essays,” called #outoftheattic.

Jane Eyre by Charolotte Bronte

The series is a reference to the famous Madwoman in the Attic of Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre, which is one of my favorite novels, and also to the work of literary criticism of the same name.

“Out of the attic” is my way of talking about my deep feeling of having escaped from captivity, and the challenges of being, or becoming, an iconoclast in an ordinary world.

Here’s the full text of my essay, (edited lightly, to change some line breaks and typos caused by tweeting the whole thing from my iphone.)

I have graduated from WDS.

I gave a shiny pinwheel to a brightly colored toddler in arms.

I just gave a muffin to a homeless and hungry man.

I am fully alive at last, & not unafraid, but unafraid to be afraid.

I have walked through the valley of the shadow and I know the light meets the dark at the sunrise and sunset.

The color of the sky at that moment is the color of our souls.

This will be my last year at this gathering as an attendee.

I wish you magic on your own journeys to the peaks of your mountains.

The road will be rough, and overwhelming at times, but you will reach the stars.

Tell the ones you love that you love them…

And the ones you don’t.

If you need my help, just ask.

I’m the one dancing in the stars.

The madwoman has escaped the attic once, and for final.

I will love myself, and I will die satisfied.

That is more or less how I was feeling on the morning of July 8. It was not anything bad. If anything, I felt amazing, if a bit exhausted.

I just felt this overwhelming sense of being finished. This year was incredible. I was fearless, open, vulnerable. I danced freely and with no body shame, I wore costumes, I made endless new friends as effortlessly as breathing. I moved with confidence, enthusiasm, excitement, and joy. I taught and I listened. I made incredible art. I was inspired, myself, and had a major life epihany that may well shape me for years to come.

I was at home and at peace.

Then Chris asked me, point blank, to come back next year. This is what he said:

I understand about graduation, but remember that there a lot of folks who are a lot further back than you — so if you can return and help them along as someone who understands what we’re trying to accomplish, it will help us too.

and when I still protested that I wanted to come as a volunteer, he added:

[…] we rely (a lot!) on recurring attendees as we grow - keeping the culture legit is extremely important.

Chris Guillebeau is one of the people on the planet that I would never, ever say no to. He has unquestionably changed my life for the massively better on a regular basis since I first met him.

So, I am coming to #WDS2014.

I will be there to give back. I will be there to keep the culture legit.

I will be there because Chris Guillebeau is a stubborn man.

See you next year, Portland. Watch out for miracles.

Playing with my food / Jackie Lea Shelley