Building a Better Man: Engaging Men and Boys in the Movement to End Human Trafficking and Sexual Exploitation
The movement to end human trafficking and sexual exploitation is made up of an extraordinary community of survivor leaders, activists and — in the case of our World Without Exploitation network — some very good men, Five of those men — Peter Qualliotine, co-founder of Organization for Prostitution Survivors and founding co-chair of World Without Exploitation; Kyler, a holistic health center owner, peer support specialist for trafficking survivors and survivor of sex trafficking; Val Richey, former Senior Deputy Prosecuting Attorney, King County Prosecuting Attorney’s Office, Washington; Jimmie Briggs, Journalist and founder, The Man Up Campaign; and Rus E. Funk, consultant, and author of What’s Wrong with this Picture: The Impact of Viewing Pornography, recently sat down with WorldWE founding co-chair Rachel Foster to discuss the unique role men are playing in our movement, the challenges of addressing toxic masculinity, and the ways that #MeToo has — and has not — impacted attitudes about those in the sex trade.
WORLDWE: Can you tell us what you believe it means to you to be a man today?
PETER QUALLIOTINE: It’s an exciting time to be a man. Feminist critiques of the social construction of gender have shown us the harms of toxic masculinity to women, men, and trans folk. These critiques have opened up the possibility for each of us to embody healthier modes of being and to engage with others to create cultural change.
KYLER: To be a man today is to be strong enough to hold a mirror up to ourselves and our society. It also means being confident enough to stand up for what is right and willing to speak out about what is wrong.
VAL RICHEY: To Kyler’s point, the last few years have told us a lot about what a man should not be. Most of us were fed a bunch of garbage as teenagers: That men are supposed to be aggressive, powerful, sexually promiscuous, controlling, and so on. Those messages get in the way of much more important lessons about empathy, kindness, and humanity.
JIMMIE BRIGGS: Being a good man requires a steadfast commitment to listening and to holding the truths borne of the pain, trauma, and voicelessness expressed by women. It also demands awareness of one’s privilege and the responsibility of that privilege. It means upholding a moral humanity and fairness for everyone.
WORLDWE: So, where are all these moral men?!
KYLER: There are two types of men in this world: those who believe all people are equal and those who believe they are better than other people. We are at a point in our society where these two competing ideas of manhood are going head to head.
WORLDWE: A term that more and more laypeople are hearing — but are often confused by — is “toxic masculinity.” How would you define that?
JIMMIE: I define toxic masculinity as a social norm or construct that compels men to mitigate their individual journeys of manhood, and instead model or perform a uniform, de-humanized caricature of it.
PETER: Toxic masculinity is sexist and homophobic. It is not “normal” in the statistical sense, since only a minority of men might actually enact it. But, the construct of toxic masculinity is normative in that it embodies a currently revered way of being a man. It requires all other men to position themselves in relation to it, and it ideologically legitimates the subordination of women to men.
WORLDWE: So, in layperson’s terms?
PETER: It means that the biggest jerk in the room sets the norm and that other men often feel paralyzed to act differently.
KYLER: One thing people need to understand is that all masculinity is not toxic. That being a male is not in and of itself bad. The outdated idea that being dominant and alpha is good, that’s the problem.
WORLDWE: So positive masculinity — or “non-toxic” masculinity — what does that look like?
KYLER: Non-toxic masculinity is the pure and simple idea that all of that power-based behavior is bullcrap. That the man who challenges toxic masculinity is the real role model. I see a man who is loving, works well with others, makes compromises, and is kind to all humans and animals as a truly successful man.
WORLDWE: Popular culture and the media play such a huge role in seeding problematic ideas about being a man. And young men — all men — are taking that in.
JIMMIE: As a black American man, I was harmfully shaped by what I saw reflected in popular media growing up, and frankly I don’t think it’s improved very much. To be sure, there is a crisis in racial and ethnic representation in production and performance, but I would further argue the stories being told about women, men, girls, boys and LGBTQI folks lack nuance and realistic humanity.
WORLDWE: What is the role of men in the movement to end commercial sexual exploitation?
PETER: The role of men in this movement is to listen and be accountable to survivors. Men need to recognize that as people raised to be men in a sexist society, we have blind spots around our privilege, and we need to engage in deeply personal and transformative work on ourselves. We then need to work to engage other men, holding them accountable.
RUS E. FUNK: Since it is men’s demand to have access to the bodies of women, children, and other men that drives commercial sexual exploitation, I would argue that men have substantial roles to play in efforts to prevent and end both.
KYLER: It’s pretty basic: If men must stop buying sex, learn to view all other humans as equals, and come to understand that no other human should be a sexual object to be used for their personal pleasure, then all sex trafficking would come to an end.
RUS: Even the men who do purchase human beings to use sexually tend to have varying degrees of support for other men’s buying behaviors. It is not uncommon for men, for example, to have some line in the sand about the forms of sex trafficking or sexual exploitation are okay and acceptable in their minds, and which are not For example, there are a lot of men who view pornography who think that it is not acceptable for men to purchase sex from women who are being street prostituted; or men who view pornography but refuse to view pornography that depicts graphic violence.
WORLDWE: You’re saying something really important here: That we can’t view men who are engaged in problematic behaviors in a monolithic way.
RUS: Recognizing this nuanced complexity provides great opportunities to mobilize men to engage in a variety of roles to help end sex trafficking and commercial sexual exploitation.
JIMMIE: Men need to hold other men accountable for sure. But we also have a critical opportunity to educate the public as to what sex trafficking and commercial sexual exploitation actually are.
WORLDWE: It’s so true — society at large really doesn’t understand the connection between prostitution and trafficking, that these forms of exploitation are all of a piece. There is a lot of confusion around terminology.
RUS: Men need to choose not to engage in sex trafficking or any form of commercial sexual exploitation, but we also have to publicly convey why we don’t. Then we need to challenge friends, family, and colleagues also to not purchase sex.
WORLDWE: This seems so critical. A lot of men who would never sexually exploit another human being are hesitant to wear those values on their sleeves. Or to challenge other men who are exploiting others.
RUS: But it’s also about modeling the right things for the next generation. Fathers speaking candidly with their sons about the harms of commercial sexual exploitation is so important.
WORLDWE: What does accountability look like, both legally and socially?
VAL: This is a really difficult question. Many of the men I encountered as a prosecutor were sex buyers who needed help rather than to serve prison time, although some definitely needed prison. I don’t just mean we should call it sex addiction and send them to a therapist. The sex addiction diagnosis often seems to be a way to avoid accountability rather than owning the problem. What I mean is that we need to give men the tools to deal with their insecurity, their failures, and so on so they don’t take these emotions out on vulnerable people.
WORLDWE: In some ways that means seeing the victim in the perpetrator — understanding that men who buy sex are often acting out a set of cultural values that are harmful to women and other men. That does not make any of it okay, and they need to be held accountable. But we need to acknowledge how they got there.
VAL: This is why we need to educate boys early about equality, mutuality, and respect — not just between boys and girls but also between boys because that is where a lot of the toxic behaviors are bred. A big piece of this problem is cultural and social, rather than criminal.
.RUS: Accountability at its core means making an accounting of one’s behaviors, acknowledging the impact of those behaviors on others, and making amends when necessary. Speaking as a male advocate and social change agent, accountability means overtly and transparently aligning my activism and advocacy with feminist led women’s human rights organizations and efforts.
PETER: In a social justice context, accountability is voluntary; it means that those who are not members of the marginalized group in question must listen to the voices of those who are and be answerable to and accept leadership from members of that group.
WORLDWE: The country is talking a lot about criminal justice reform right now. What does this mean for survivors of commercial sexual exploitation?
PETER: As a sector of broader society, the criminal justice system needs to be accountable to those who have experienced commercial sexual exploitation. This is why Nordic Model (or Equality Model, as it is also called) is so important. It centers on providing exit services and viable alternatives to those who are prostituted and increased accountability and consequences for sex buyers and traffickers.
KYLER: Our criminal justice system has a long history of punishing victims and keeping them in these dark shadows of our world. I believe we can’t judge those who end up in the sex trade. We certainly don’t know their life stories, how they entered into this awful reality, or what circumstances keep them in this industry. Their lives reflect our society.
RUS: Given the racist, misogynistic, classist, and homophobic dynamics that are built into the criminal legal system in the United States, I am hesitant to rely heavily on that system to respond to sex trafficking and commercial sexual exploitation. That being said, the system needs to be focusing efforts on arresting, charging, and convicting buyers, traffickers and exploiters. Not punishing prostituted, exploited, and trafficked persons.
VAL: Law enforcement plays a crucial role in establishing community norms in this arena. If people in prostitution are arrested but not the buyers, that sends a powerful message to the community about where the fault lies. Think about what a powerful alternative message it sends if, instead, law enforcement helped people in prostitution get services and arrested the buyers.
PETER: Historically, prostitution law has been rooted in patriarchal moralism that blames the prostituted person, the victim, as a “fallen woman” who has led a man astray. Over the past several decades, there has been a significant shift in analysis in many localities in terms of the response to prostitution. We have seen a move in law enforcement towards practices rooted in values of equality to address prostitution. This approach sets norms that lets everyone know who, in fact, is being harmed in prostitution and who is doing the harm.
KYLER: I am a firm believer no one really wants to be in the sex trade and if people had the mental health care, financial resources, and stable housing they needed, they would all quit in an instant. Every prostituted person I have known was coerced into the sex trade in some manner, or was dealing with poverty, drug addiction, or physical abuse. Often a combination of all three.
WORLDWE: How have #MeToo and Times Up changed things for men in our movement?
RUS: We are witnessing, in a very dramatic and profound way, clear and concrete examples of men being held accountable for their behaviors and actions. #MeToo and Times Up seem to have shifted more men into the “middle,” that is to say making them more aware of the prevalence and severity of men’s sexual violence and the need for men to be actively involved in preventing men’s sexual violence
VAL: The #MeToo movement has provided a great opportunity to highlight how sex buying is another form of gender-based violence, to put that in the same bucket with sexual harassment, domestic violence, stalking, and rape. We are seeing some progress but it hasn’t happened as quickly as I hoped. In fact, some public statements — even by women — have suggested that men should direct their sexual misbehavior toward people in prostitution rather than “normal” women. This is . . . well . . . dismaying. We have to end this tendency to see people in prostitution as lesser, as legitimate targets.
WORLDWE: It’s so damaging, the ways we categorize people. For women and men.
JIMMIE: The dichotomy of “good guy” versus “bad guy” oversimplifies a gender framing which “otherizes” individuals and creates a false moral authority that no one is capable of upholding.
PETER: “Good guys” versus “bad guys” is a false dichotomy and it lets men off the hook. Being “not as bad as that other guy” is just not good enough. Not all men rape but all men absolutely should help change rape culture.
JIMMIE: Frankly, I think before the Kavanaugh Supreme Court hearings and Dr. Christine Blasey-Ford’s testimony, we were already at the point of a national reckoning beyond #MeToo, Times Up, etc. There must be a consistent standard for due process and accountability incorporated in the #MeToo framework that allows men seeking to be allies space to enter and engage in the discussion without disparagement.
KYLER: I am elated that the #MeToo movement is happening. Not only as a survivor of sex trafficking myself, but as a non-alpha boy who grew up in a state in the Midwest with a high level of toxic masculinity. People are finally calling out the awful behaviors we have all grown up with and have become so numb to.
PETER: If I have learned anything from #MeToo, it is that sexual activity should not be a condition of employment. And, if sexual activity should not be a condition of employment, then sexual activity should truly not be a condition of employment.
WORLDWE: Yes, that is one of the points we really need to drive home. Too few conversations about prostitution have been a part of our recent conversations about workplace sexual violence and harassment.
PETER: Yes. If quid pro quo sexual harassment creates inequality in the workplace, then prostitution creates inequality in the world. There is a power imbalance at the root of it that we just can’t rationalize or explain away.
WORLDWE: What are your thoughts about social justice and human rights in the context of commercial sexual exploitation?
PETER: Any conception of human rights should begin with an integrity of the body that is absolute and universal. Oppression and structural inequality make members of target groups vulnerable to violation of bodily integrity through commercial sexual exploitation.
WORLDWE: That is obvious to those of us in the movement, but too often the general public sees entering the sex trade as a choice. There is such unwillingness to see the human rights case against the sex trade.
PETER: “Choices” for members of those groups are systematically limited and then those individuals are blamed for any harm that comes to them because of those “choices.” We must shift the focus of prostitution discourse away from the “individual rights” approach that looks only at the agency of those who are prostituted and absolves buyers of any ethical accountability for the harms of prostitution.
KYLER: But in our society, we are not there yet.
PETER: Where should there be intervention and education with youth around issues of sexual exploitation?
JIMMIE: We must start engaging youth — female, male, and gender non-conforming — at the earliest ages possible and continue that engagement progressively through adolescence into adulthood. That means this has to happen in daycare, pre-school, primary school, and upwards and also in spaces where people actually spend their free time, such as in faith-based communities, on sports teams, and in social clubs.
PETER: There should be a spectrum of prevention that connects the dots between various forms of men’s violence yet also promotes social emotional learning and healthy relationships. Youth are not the problem. But the world that adults are leaving young people with becomes their problem.
WORLDWE: This conversation has made me a lot more hopeful about what that world might look like. Thank you for that.
