What Even is Gender?

I’ve always been confused at what I am. I was born as a female, however, was more of a “tomboy” than a “girl” when I was little. Sometimes, I’d go and wear a hat and ask people “do I look like a boy?” But am I a boy? Am I a girl? Am I neither or something else entirely? These are the questions and doubts in my mind.

She/Her

There are feminine things I like sometimes. Parts of my appearance like my chest and hips are aspects of myself that I .... .- — . love sometimes. Sometimes I indulge in traditionally feminine clothing choices, like dresses and skirts 6173206c6f6e67206173207468657927726520636f6d666f727461626c65, during events or even casually with my family.

I particularly enjoy dresses that have STEM concepts or code on them (such as the python dress to the right) 6265636175736520796f752772652061206e65656565727272646464646464. I feel pretty when I wear dresses. They make me feel more like me. I like dolls and stuffed animals. I also enjoy some shades of pink! -. .- .... / -... .-.. ..- . / .. .../ — .... . / -... . ... — / -.-. -—- .-.. -—- .-. I am a 706572736f6e girl -... --— -.—- . Born and raised, mentally, and always. A girl.

He/Him

There are masculine things I like sometimes. As a kid, I had a hotwheels collection and racetrack that I used to play with all the time. I would also collect rocks and other cool trinkets from nature. My everyday clothes would be tech shirts and other masculine clothing (some even from the boy’s/men’s sections of stores) 01100111 01101001 01110010 01101100 01110011 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100000 01100001 01101100 01110011 01101111 00100000 01110111 01100101 01100001 01110010 00100000 01110100 01100101 01100011 01101000 00100000 01110011 01101000 01101001 01110010 01110100 01110011. I love robotics and computers, which are traditionally men-dominated fields 616e796f6e65206f6620616e792067656e6465722063616e20626520696e746572657374656420696e2074686f736520746f70696373. And, I hate makeup and other girly activities. So…maybe I’m a boy. No, I AM a 706572736f6e 01100111 01101001 01110010 01101100 boy.

They/Them

I’m not controlled by binary genders and don’t identify with either of them 01100010 01110101 01110100 — .... . .-. . 01100001 01110010 01100101 —-- -. .-.. -. — 00110011 — . . -. -.. . .-. ... . I’m free to like whatever subjects and toys I want. 01111001 01101111 01110101 11100010 10000000 10011001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101010 01110101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01110011 01100101 01100101 01101110 00100000 01100001 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101110 00100000 00100010 01101111 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 00100010. I can wear whatever clothes I feel comfortable with without having to worry about looking a certain gendered way. I’m seen for who I am as a person, not how I act in reference to my gender. -. -— -—- ..- .-—--. .-.. .-.. / -. . ...- . .-. / -... . / ..-. ..- .-.. .-.. -.-— / .- -.-. -.-. . .--. — . -.. I’m a person 01100111 01101001 01110010 01101100 -... --— -.—-.

Doubts

I’m a 706572736f6e 01100111 01101001 01110010 01101100 -... --— -.—-. I like what I like, but with so many conflicting thoughts, it’s hard to determine what to identify as. Because of this, it’s spread seeds of doubt in all aspects of my life. Afterall, how I present myself and my gender is so much of my daily experience. That’s when I found out about being genderfluid.

And I feel like this perfectly encompasses me. With all the parts of me that are still me and their different intensities at different times, I feel like it best represents me. However…it still seems too good to be true. Many people don’t fully understand it and the stigma behind it can be even worse than non-binary people since some gender fluids also identify with they/them pronouns some days. So not only do we have to deal with people saying “you can’t be multiple genders” or claiming we’re just “pretending to be certain genders at certain times for clout or to see that gender’s bathroom” or other excuses, but we also have to deal with the traditional “there are only 2 genders” that non-binary people have to deal with. I find myself sometimes staying with one set of pronouns for such a prolonged period of time that I find myself asking “am I really genderfluid or just these pronouns?” While I think I have things figured out, I really don’t. And this questioning has instilled doubts into my mind that prevent me from fully embracing my identity.

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