Where are you from?

The question “where are you from?” always frustrates me. Not because it’s a bad question or anything, it’s a pretty standard thing to ask someone when you first meet them. For me, it’s annoying because I don’t have a locked down response, the answer will completely change depending on who I’m talking to or how social I’m feeling. The answer can change because I don’t really know the truth of it, how to honestly answer where I’m from.

I was born in Texas but only lived there for a few months, which I obviously don’t remember, and then hopped from Canada back to Texas for the next 2 years. When I was two we moved to Aberdeen, Scotland, the country that my parents are from, grew up in, met each other, and where my entire extended family lives. We lived in Scotland for nearly a decade before coming back to Texas, and even then we would spend summers back in Scotland.

When I moved back to Texas I had a very strong Scottish accent that matched my family, anyone upon meeting me would think that I wasn’t from the U.S. However as I grew older and went to American schools and had more American friends, I became extremely americanized. I lost my accent and became much more in tune with American culture. Despite my change, my immediate family remained the same, my parents of course had lived the majority of their lives in Scotland and would never lose their accents and were in general much more interested in British culture, from television to news to the friends they socialized with. However, I couldn’t even share this identity change with my younger brother as he had opted to attend a British international high school, which meant his accent and social life was still very Scottish.

Since becoming americanized I’ve felt halfway apart of two cultures, never being able to claim or feel at home in just one of them. My home life is Scottish, the humor/culture/language of the people I love the most. Yet outside of my house, my life is American. I have to talk in an American accent about American things or my friends just won’t quite understand. It’s not that they aren’t accepting of the things in my life that are Scottish but it’s just tiring to constantly be on the outs with the words I use or what I find funny.

Now that I’m older, living in a new state and meeting new people all the time, I don’t know what to say when they ask where I’m from. I could say Texas, but a lot of people act strange when they think I’m from Texas and then hear me talk to my mother on the phone, or use a Scottish word in the middle of a sentence. They act like a lied to them once I explain that I grew up in the Scotland and want to know why I didn’t tell them that in the first place. Or if I initially say that I’m from Scotland, they don’t believe me and want me to show them my Scottish accent to prove it. My last option is to explain the whole situation, but that feels like a long winded and pretentious response to what’s usually a very standard question.

I love Scotland and am proud to be from there but I’m not Scottish enough to be Scottish. And in America I don’t feel American enough to be American. Although this issue I have with my identity often feels frustrating, at the end of the day its a blessing. Coming from two cultures grants me new perspectives that I wouldn’t have had otherwise and I’ve come to realize that when I’m with someone that I’m truly comfortable with, I’m not aware of the identity switches I usually have to make. I’m sure that I’ll never feel quite comfortable in either culture but that’s what makes me, me.