Rewriting the Story, Rebuilding The System: Roxane Gay’s Hunger
“Food was the only place of solace. Alone, in my apartment, I could soothe myself with food. Food didn’t judge me or demand anything from me. When I ate, I did not have to be anything but myself. And so I gained a hundred pounds and then another hundred and then another hundred” describes Roxane Gay, author of Hunger. Hunger is a detailed personal account of Gay’s recovery as she struggles with the effects of sexual assault and disordered eating. Gay describes her tumultuous relationship with food and how it changed her perspective of herself and the world. Gay coped with her trauma by compulsively overeating to take back her power after being sexually assaulted. She decided that the best way to protect herself from harm was to build a layer of protection around herself. Hunger dissects Gay’s attempt to regain control over her body and the implications of the power struggle that comes from unrealistic societal expectations placed on women when their bodies are treated as public property. The retaliation that her book received proved Gay’s argument that women’s bodies are treated as public property and further demonstrates the harmful effects of victim-blaming.
The central theme of Gay’s journey is the desire for control. She ate excessively to regain power after being stripped of it, however, she quickly saw how others began to treat her differently based on her weight fluctuation. If she had put on more weight, she would encounter comments surrounding her health and how she needed a better lifestyle. When her weight would turn in the opposite direction, she would receive praise for how much healthier and happier she looked, despite that not always being the case. It became apparent that no matter how her weight changed, she still would lose the power she fought to regain when others freely commented on her body. Gay discusses how “When you’re overweight, your body becomes a matter of public record in many respects. Your body is constantly and prominently on display. People project assumed narratives onto your body and are not at all interested in the truth of your body, whatever that truth might be.” She found that her body would never fulfill the expectations of those around her. Gay discusses that even though she initially ate to gain control over her body, she ultimately couldn’t control how the narratives that people would assume about her and her body. The inability to dictate how the public viewed her left her feeling powerless again, further perpetuating her unhealthy relationship with food.
The public holds power over women by treating their bodies as public property, as reflected in Gay’s struggle to maintain power. Historically, women have been subjected to patriarchal control. Laura Mulvey first coined the phrase “male gaze” as the depiction of female bodies as a vessel for male enjoyment. These depictions are often focused on the physical and, therefore, hyper-sexualized aspects of the feminine being to satisfy male eroticism (Mulvey 1989). Whether it is being seen as their husband’s property or being the object of the male gaze, there has been a long history of the public relentlessly attempting to maintain control over women in whatever way possible. Gay observes this constant tension between the male gaze and how women exist within society. She discusses how “if a woman loses substantial weight, her body instantly became a public text, [and] a site of discourse, only now because she had taken her weight loss too far. She had disciplined her body too much. She will be criticized by the public for changing her body.” Inversely, when a woman puts on too much weight, she is treated as a burden. It is clear that despite body type, the public will continue to criticize women as a way to maintain control over them. For example, singer-songwriter, Adele Adkins, was simultaneously praised and criticized after losing substantial weight. “I [wasn’t] shocked or even phased by it — my body has been objectified my entire career. Am I too big or am I too small, am I hot or not or whatever — I never looked up to anyone because of their body,” Adele said when asked about how she felt about the discourse involving the controversy regarding her weight loss. Her account of being simultaneously praised and criticized represents one of the countless experiences that women endure. Adele shows how as a woman, she has no control over how her body is inherently a part of her public image and how others see it as a public space to criticize her rather than seeing matters surrounding her body as private. Despite the excessive comments, Adele felt that she didn’t owe anyone an explanation for her weight loss. This was one of the ways that she was able to take back her power from public scrutiny and further demonstrates the constant power struggle that women experience. The public feels that they have permission to make comments on females’ bodies even when they have no authority to do so, which is what ultimately contributed to the severity of Gay’s hyper-fixation on eating.
The narrow view of acceptance that the public lends to women is seen in this battle for control. Gay felt that she was constantly navigating the fine line of acceptance. “I am hyperconscious of how I take up space. As a woman, as a fat woman, I am not supposed to take up space. And yet, as a feminist, I am encouraged to believe I can take up space. I live in a contradictory space where I should try to take up space but not too much of it, and not in the wrong way, where the wrong way is any way where my body is concerned.” states Gay. Many aspects of Gay’s life were a contradiction. One of these contradictions was how she ate to regain agency over her body, and how she quickly realized that despite her efforts, she would never be in control over the way that the public viewed her. This battle for acceptance is ultimately a losing game as it is virtually impossible to please everyone and fulfill every expectation.
At the beginning of her memoir, Gay admits that she continues her journey to recovery, she suffers from the effects of sexual assault, and she will never know all the answers. But the purpose of sharing her story was not to find answers or ask for solutions. Instead, Gay comes from a place of honesty and vulnerability to share her experience, reflect on her personal story, and process the trauma that she is still coming to understand. Her memoir received well-earned praise from highly regarded publications, such as the New Yorker. The Atlantic declared her book “a personal story, with implications for us all.” In addition to these highly regarded publications, the majority of the general public found Gay’s memoir as a source of solace, acceptance, and safety.
Despite the praise that she received, Gay was also met with backlash from the public eye. Although she fully disclosed that her memoir is simply a way to process her experiences, a GoodReads user stated that “[they] cannot jump on the bandwagon of this being a wonderful and empowering book. Sorry folks, but as Ms. Gay continues to blame the world for her unhappiness, there is no chance for peace. [they] wish her the very best but would not recommend this to anybody.” Another public review on GoodReads says that “You can feel her anger throughout the book. And that’s okay. But sometimes, it felt whiny, especially toward medicine and doctors! [They] understand how feeling uncomfortable in your body because of people is awful and frustrating. But complaining about ‘doctors telling patients to lose weight because they are morbidly obese is something [they] can’t agree with.” These readers and other negative reviews from online communities such as GoodReads and AmazonReviews ignore Gay’s claim that she does not ask for pity or advice. She writes this book to process her journey. She does not try to paint a false narrative of some beautiful journey she went through to get to where she is now. Her memoir is the opposite. It was a way for her to be vulnerable because that is what she was so afraid of being for so many years. Gay’s desire for control over her narrative led her to write a memoir to reclaim her story, however, these negative reviews again strip her of that power.
Victim-blaming is exemplified through the negative reviews that her memoir received. Her criticizers display the inability to empathize with women who have been harmed by the patriarchal system that perpetuates victim-blaming. Rather than taking Gay’s memoir as a personal experience to learn from someone who has been deeply traumatized by sexual assault, the only thing that these reviewers can take away is that Gay “complains” about her life. This attitude is harmful in the context of victim-blaming. These readers fail to recognize the extreme bravery it takes to share a personal experience such as this. When hostility meets vulnerability, it discourages others to share their stories and shows them that they will be met with judgment. Rather than criticizing the victim, we should work to cultivate an environment that rebuilds the system that allows for sexual assault to occur, rather than reprimanding those impacted by it. In doing so, we can create a safe space for survivors that encourages healing and reconciliation.
Hunger details how heartbreak and deep struggle filled much of Gay’s life. While her life is a state of constant desire for power, Gay has once again found a way to take back control from her perpetrators by using her experience to make space for empathy for others. She speaks about how her own experiences have led her to realize that she often overlooks the things that are accessible to her but not to others. With this realization, her background relating to sexual assault and eating disorders allows her to empathize with others who struggle in different ways. Gay finding the courage to share her story should be considered a gift and a privilege. Although her intention was not to give anyone answers or to ask for a solution for the unjust power imbalance that women endure from institutionalized patriarchy, Gay’s memoir has still opened up the conversation and changed the narrative. Gay’s experience serves as a reminder that rather than treating humans as objects who are public property, we need to equate them as subjects who deserve empathy and understanding. We must work to create a safe environment for them and other individuals who have been harmed by a corrupt and broken system. Rather than criticizing survivors, we should focus on creating a space that allows them to feel safe once again.
