5 Things You Need To Unlearn As A (New) Parent
Read This Before You Make The Same Mistakes I Did
Sleep
Remember that thing you used to do at night? That thing where you closed your eyes and had hallucinations of yourself as a cowboy riding over hot plains, shooting up saloons and bedding buxom dames? (just me?). You can forget about all that.
Getting a good night’s sleep as a new parent is like getting your hands on the golden snitch, elusive and always out of reach.
If you finally do catch some Z’s it almost feels wrong, like you’ve cheated the system somehow.
Personal Space
Recently as I’ve been brushing my teeth my youngest daughter has made it a habit to plant her face between my ass cheeks, as if trying to make a face mask from the fabric of my shorts.
Personal space is another casualty when it comes to child rearing.
Small bodies clamber on your shoulders as you desperately try to tie your shoe laces, late for work. Feet randomly kick you in the face at night. Your lap (and body in general) becomes an obstacle course as you try to sit down to dinner.
It’s hard not to feel like God is punishing you for past sins.
Your Precious Fucking Routine
I desperately battled this one. Trying to keep my neat little routine in one piece. Trying to stay productive and on top of things. It was like trying to wade chest deep up a fast moving river.
One thing being a parent has taught me is to set aside expectations and take things as they come.
Being productive is great, but it also turns you into a tightass (yes spellchecker that is a word thank you).
Children are unpredictable as hell. They wake up at whatever time they want, they get sick ALL. THE. TIME. And they change their mood whenever the hell they feel like it.
But they also teach us the beauty of being in the moment. Life is about play, not living day to day like we’re working on a production line.
Throw out the routine and your carefully time-plotted calendar. We’re going native human.
Being A Perfect Human
Name me one person who doesn’t have at least one complaint about the way their parents raised them.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect person.
We’re bound to fuck up somewhere, no matter how careful we try.
Have some forgiveness for yourself.
Especially for those of us who see life like some fucked up videogame that we need to get perfect scores on, it’s important to reign in our self-judgement and be okay with not being world’s best dad/mum.
Some days you will be too tired for story time. Some days you will lose your cool. Some days you will forget to buy nappies on your way home. This is all okay.
Rigid Thinking
‘In life we’re rewarded for what we were punished for in school’ — George Mack
Throughout our childhood, schooling and professional lives we’re taught one thing. Obedience.
Those who don’t obey are punished. Those who don’t fall in line are singled out.
In many ways this keeps society ticking over like a well oiled machine. But it doesn’t breed strong individual thinking.
Often times our frustrations with children comes from our inability to see beyond the rigid systems and enforced habits that we’ve adopted as adults.
You quickly learn that trying to make a child do something against their will is a losing battle.
Adults are not much different. Ever try to change someone’s mind by violently disagreeing with their opinion? Doesn’t go so well does it.
Instead we need to be flexible. Someone doesn’t want to eat broccoli today? How about some sauce on that? Still no? Alright, just eat all the bad food then. YOLO motherfucker (you say in your head).
Parenting is judo. Take the energy where it wants to go.
(Note: Do not judo throw your children).
Did I miss anything? Am I just a terrible parent? Let me know in the comments.
