I Can’t Come To Terms With My Mother’s Death

Grief and confusion…

Image from Unsplash (Kyndall Ramirez)

I recently wrote about how my mother’s death earlier last month left me numb and without the will to live. I’ve lost my best friend. My mother. The person who’s always been there for me.

But it’s not just that.

Confusion

My mother was diagnosed with bowel cancer in March. The doctors told her the chemo would be her best option. Fine. So that’s what she did.

She died in December.

And I’m confused. Not in the sense that I don’t understand how cancer kills people and that that’s just the way it is sometimes. Millions of people have gone through this since the dawn of time. I know that.

I’m confused about the sequence of events that led to her death. I’m confused as to why the doctors didn’t inform any of us about her condition until two days before she died.

What happened?

As I previously mentioned, she was getting better. She was in the hospital following an operation for a stomach abscess that had been treated. Her bodily functions were almost back to normal. The tumour had shrunk and they were hoping she would resume her chemo treatments.

So what happened?

I realise I sound like a grieving daughter who’s still in denial, but I have no problem accepting that she’s dead, because I know she is. I just don’t understand how it happened, or why it happened so quickly.

I feel like this is going to take a while…