Men and women are not born but made
The Journey to Gender Identity
We are born boys and girls, we grow up, our bodies mature, we become teenagers, and we grow into young adults. We experience in our family of origin, through the way of being a man of the father and through the way of being a woman of the mother, certain archetypes/models that we, as children, consider to be universal.
If the father drinks alcohol and is aggressive towards the mother, we consider that this is how masculinity is expressed, through toxic domination. Or if the father is passive and uninvolved in family life, but overly involved in professional and social life, this could also become a model of masculinity. Likewise, if the mother is passive and a permanent victim of the father’s abuse, we learn that femininity means victimization. Or if the mother is domineering and emasculating, we understand that a woman is a being who cancels out masculine nature and manages everything by herself.
The child adopts this masculine or feminine model either by thesis or antithesis. They copy certain elements from the typology of the mother or father and rebel completely against others, proposing contrary solutions (anti-scenario). Either way, the child’s first masculine or feminine archetype is taught by their parent, through the way they are a man or a woman in the world.
As we grow into adolescence, youth, or maturity, we interact with other archetypes, with other people, whether they are partners, colleagues, or friends who add new elements to this archetype. We can learn that masculinity is about that inner strength that gives us direction, courage, and perseverance in pursuing a goal, an ideal, while femininity is about our capacity to love, to see and empathize with the other, and to create space for the other to exist beside us.
The life contexts in which we work, love or relax create as many opportunities to constantly learn what it means to be a man or a woman in this world. The key is to be open and accept that learning is permanent, throughout our entire life.
