My Experience with CBD Gummies
Was It A Dream Or Reality?
I live in a state where marijuana is still illegal, and yet I have been asked on multiple occasions by both professionals and individuals alike:
“Have You Tried Marijuana? It might help.”
And though I’ve asked, none have yet to prescribe it.
There was a time in my life when I didn’t care if I lived or died, a time filled with reckless abandon, and I was hellbent on proving that I wasn’t always a “goodie-goodie.”
The night before I found out I was six weeks pregnant with my oldest child was the last night I’d ever smoked marijuana.
That’s all it took to straighten up and quit cold turkey. Although I never felt like I was addicted to it or the alcohol I’d consume on a regular weekend as a young college student.
My extended family is filled with functioning alcoholics. In my youth, I prided myself on being a tiny girl who could out-drink just about anyone. I swear there has to be something in our DNA that allows us to drink heavily before we feel anything substantial.
However, that was a different time and place—one I sometimes think I left too early.
There are days when I miss my youth and the recklessness that comes with it, but then I have to question,
“If life hadn’t happened for me like it did, would I still be here today?”
Probably not.
Aside from all the reckless abandon that comes with youth and marijuana, I do believe there are healing properties to be found. While marijuana is still illegal, CBD gummies are not.
“Authors of a 2017 review found some evidence supporting the use of cannabis to relieve depression and post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms.” (Source here*)
A few nights ago, I decided to try CBD gummies.
This particular kind was called “Warrior,” and that’s precisely what I wanted.
After weeks of depression and my medical diagnosis, I wanted to feel like a warrior.
A friend of mine is well accustomed to these and told me they were a good one to try and that he takes this particular kind and the sleep ones, too.
I read the package, and it said: “Take a quarter size and wait one hour before adding more.”
The instructions said to take a quarter, then half, then whole if needed, but start with small doses and work your way up.
My pride kicked in, and I decided I didn’t need to start small. After all, I am from a family who can handle their stuff. I decided to take half.
After talking with my friend, he convinced me I’d be okay taking the whole thing, so that’s precisely what I did.
An hour and twenty minutes later, I had yet to feel anything. I was highly disappointed after all the build-up and anticipation of hoping this would “make me feel better.”
I decided, “Why not?” and popped another into my mouth.
My kids were all gone for the night, leaving only my husband and me. I knew I was in safe hands if anything were to get out of control.
We had been out and about and only planned on driving, but I decided that since the gummies weren’t working, we should take a trip to Target, about thirty minutes from our location.
We walked in and looked around for a few minutes before my husband asked if I wanted to look at anything else before we left.
I had an outdoor plate in my hand and admired its pretty design when I suddenly realized I was starting to feel the gummies kick in, and we should probably leave.
After leaving, my husband asked what we were doing for dinner. I hadn’t thought about dinner, but a Mexican Restaurant down the road sounded amazing.
It took some convincing for my husband to drive us there, but I assured him I was okay and did not feel it much. We walked in and were almost immediately escorted to a side booth.
I ordered a chimichanga, something I seldom order, but I was feeling adventurous and wanted to change my norm.
I only slightly remember eating this meal.
There was a women’s basketball game (or maybe it was volleyball) on the television in the corner. I remember watching it and seeing that the teams were the “World” versus the “United States.”
I found that quite humorous and commented on how the world is against the United States.
The car ride home was filled with moments of uncontrollable laughter and paranoia.
I couldn’t remember if we were talking with one another or if it was a conversation I was having with myself in my head.
I looked up at the moon from the sunroof in our vehicle and immediately started laughing.
I have to admit, it felt good to laugh again.
I felt like a girl from the movies enjoying the wind in her hair and on her fingertips as she waved her hands in an up-and-down motion out the car window.
I looked at my husband, who smiled at my uncontrollable laughter and said,
“I’m so glad you're my wife.”
I might have been high as a kite, but that much, I remember.
I can always count on him to let me know that I’m okay (even when I’m not) and to let me work through my emotions as I see fit (whether it’s the right choice or not).
I kept my eyes on the clock on the way home as time seemed off balance.
I could have sworn we were driving home at an unusual rate, but the time on the clock didn’t seem to change. Two minutes felt like an hour at a time.
When we finally arrived home, I climbed into bed and laid my head on my husband.
Closing my eyes caused the room to spin at an accelerated speed.
I told my husband I was not a fan of this and didn’t want to do it again before rolling over and drifting off to sleep.
Apparently, leaving behind the reckless abandon of my youth at such a young age wasn’t such a bad idea after all.
If it hadn’t been for the receipt from the restaurant we ate at, I would have thought the whole thing was a dream.
Thank you to all who read this to the end. In the comments, I’d love to know what things you’ve tried as an adult to ‘feel better’ or reclaim parts of your youth. As always, I appreciate your understanding, love, and support as I try to navigate the ups and downs that depression often brings.
Feel free to leave some claps of encouragement while you're at it. XOXO Tammie. 🙂
*Tammie is an aspiring health and wellness coach with a background in the school system. She has worked with kids from preschool through sixth grade and the SPED and library departments. Tammie is currently taking a writing class. She has three kids, two dogs, and one amazing husband. You can often find her sitting on her front porch and watching all the cool kids play in her yard. You can also find her at https://www.tammie-fralick.com.
