The Conversation with My Past and My Future: An Advice to My Present.
Have you ever spoken to yourself? Well, I have, in the strangest way I never thought possible. How? Recalling how makes me laugh because it was like a scene pulled right out of a movie.
My day began like no other day because it started with a question. “If I could pass a message to my past right now, what would it be?” A question that I asked myself as I prepared to write something for my day.
‘Easy’ I thought, I didn’t have to mull over the question to answer it. I’d give myself all the possible ways to make money and make sure that I will certainly be rich; I’ll get all the opportunities I missed and even those I did not consider back then I began my list with a satisfied smile on my face. I paused and my smile dropped when I realized that my supposed message to my past self was all about making money and nothing else of value. Then a new question popped in my head, ‘Is that all, is life all about money? Is that the only message of value you can pass on?’
I did not have to answer the question because where I was sitting another thought came. ‘How is my future self right now?’ and just like that I was sober and I knew I was ready for that conversation- the conversation with myself.
My past sat just beside me and gave me a half smile. I couldn’t see this physically as you’d imagine but it was clear as day in my head. I remember being so naïve and oblivious to many things around me and that person is the very person who had led me to my present self.
I did not have much time to reminisce on my past because another person joined me at the table- my future. To be more exact, how I have envisioned myself to be in the near future. I panicked immediately; I couldn’t tell the look on his face. It was a half smile- of disappointment or of appreciation? I couldn’t tell, but however he is, is my own doing just as I am the doing of my past.
It was an awkward situation. The room was silent and atmosphere heavy despite being the only occupant of the room.
“So what did you want to tell me?” My past began, breaking the awkward silence and immediately placing me in the spotlight.
I wanted to speak but held my tongue when I saw my future self staring at me, giving me the kind of look I couldn’t still well explain.
It was then I felt the full weight of the question and unlike before, I began thinking. My choice of words now and my decision from this point on would decide my future that is just looking at me.
The silence seized the room again, one second, a few seconds, one minute, or a few minutes? – I could not tell. They both smiled at me and then got up to leave, leaving a thoughtful me still sitting. When I finally realized the unspoken message both had passed on to me, I sighed, but then they were already gone.
What was the message they passed?
My past is the past, it may have shaped my present self, but it’s gone now. There is no passing a message to it, or wishing I could. What matters now is me because I will decide what my future will be like. I can only invest more in myself, make better decisions, and trust that the next time I had the conversation with myself, I’d have something to pass on too.
The conversation wasn’t one I particularly hoped for since it was all in my head, but it was one I was glad I experienced. The kind of advice I needed to give myself again.
