The More Loving One.
Some men never think of it.
You did. You’d come along
And say you’d nearly brought me flowers
But something had gone wrong. The shop was closed. Or you had doubts –
The sort that minds like ours
Dream up incessantly. You thought
I might not want your flowers. It made me smile and hug you then.
Now I can only smile.
But, look, the flowers you nearly brought
Have lasted all this while.
By Wendy Cope from Serious Concerns (Faber and Faber, 1992), © Wendy Cope 1992
There are people, who always love more, in any relationship. These people have the gift of cherishing the thoughtfulness, intentions, and attention of their loved ones, rather than the material possessions they might give them.
Wendy Cope acknowledges and appreciates the memory of her beloved’s intention to buy flowers for her, even his self-conscious doubts about whether she would want those flowers or not, this thought continues to bring her happiness “made me smile”, and she felt so overjoyed that she felt the desire “and hug you then.”
One can perceive this through the perspective of “it’s the thought that counts,” where good intentions hold greater value than the actual act.
Another perspective that can not be ignored, is the anguish of being with someone who consistently intends to do good but perpetually falls short of actualizing those intentions. And sometimes it can be painful. I have been trying to interpret whether the tone is joyful and reminiscent, or something bothersome and hurtful.
“And say you’d nearly brought me flowers” but actually, he never brought them. Although she forgives her partner and appreciates the sweetness of the thought, however, as the relationship ends, “Now I can only smile” it takes on a bittersweet quality, leaving only memories of those unfulfilled promises and the endless possibilities.
Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.
How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us, we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.
Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.
Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.
“The more Loving one” by W.H.Auden.
The person who loves more is always at a greater risk of getting hurt. Human beings are intrinsically selfish creatures. If you are the one, who loves more, be proud of your capacity and courage that made you this capable of loving others sincerely. You are, and will always be at the chance of exploitation or suffering, for your generosity. But still, your kind gestures and thoughtfulness make the world a better place to live.
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” — Lao Tzu
