This one thing almost ruined my 4-months marriage.
A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own actions. Proverbs 14:1
I now pronounce you husband and wife!
These were the final words of our pastor at our wedding ceremony. It had been a brief joining at one of the most elegant gardens in the city. Vows had been exchanged between my husband and I — To love and to honor, to cherish and to submit. Till death do us part.
Hmmm… I’m very sure a lot of couples say these words with no deep reflection of what they really mean. Even worse, without the slightest knowledge of how much effort and sacrifice are required by both individuals in order to uphold their matrimonial vows.
I love my husband, I really do, and I try to express this in the best ways I can. But sometimes, there is a trait I portray that makes even myself ponder if I really love him the way I say.
Growing up
I was always described as strong, independent, and defensive. I wouldn’t let anyone attempt to impose ideologies or opinions or suggestions which I didn’t find befitting on me. I would fight back. That probably explains why I had very few friends.
This, in a way was good because I couldn’t be oppressed or influenced easily. But, alongside my strength and defense came anger. I would flare over whatever I didn’t like. If your opinion appeared imposing, as how my brain would often interpret, I’d raise my voice and express my displeasures usually in a crude manner.
I was often scolded for this. I tried to change, but my changes were often short lived.
Happily ever after
Then, I got married.
And within the first four months of my marriage, I was on full display of series of outbursts like a parade! After I had spilled till I had no more iota of rage, I would always cringe at the memory of the hurtful things I had said to my husband. Words I can’t take back, and words that apologies can merely fix.
I hated it. I hated how I made him feel. I hated how it made me look to him.
Why can’t I express my displeasure without such outbursts? Why must I be defensive at every differing opinion we had?
My approach
I needed help, and this time I decided not to turn to Google or self-help books, but to God. Yes, I began to pray it all away with scriptures from the Bible;
1 Peter 3:1–5, Colossians 3: 12–13, Ecclesiastes 7:9
Can I fully say that I have completely turned a new leaf? Far from it. But I can say I am not the same. I am still learning to respond and relate better with my husband. But this can only be possible first with a change of mindset and approach.
Wish me luck!
If you enjoyed reading this, please do well leave a comment and few claps below. Fun fact, you can clap as many as 50 times!
Till next read,
Cheers,
Sonia.
