What Is a Woman if Not Defined Through a Man?

—A reflection on the labels and roles women play

She's more than one thing, she's everything and nothing at all - Photo by Chelsi Peter from Pexels

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I’m the last one that should judge. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. Sleeping in strange beds with strange men. Walking places I’d rather not thread and opening doors to the underworld unmet.

I’ve cheated on multiple partners at different times. Not knowing why I was so inclined to deceive those who’d entrusted me with their love. I’d say what anyone in that situation would say:

"I didn’t mean to hurt anyone; it wasn’t them; it was me.”

And it would be true, it wasn’t them; it was entirely me.

I had demons, things I’d rather not face, the things I so badly wanted to go away and for a while, it was better smothering my pain in the sweat and the scent of another. One who wouldn’t bother asking any questions only carries out an act that would soothe my pain, making it a little lighter. Only to weigh heavy about an hour later, accompanied by guilt, shame and all other delicious societal dishes. It’s too difficult to swallow but oh-so enticing to resist.

The shame of a woman who sleeps with too many men. The shame of counting them off ten fingers. Silently walking with that number on…