Why You Should Not Let Work Define You!
We are not what we do. Let’s start conversations differently.
Recently, I got chatting with a woman at a party.
I asked her what she did and she responded, “I’m a teacher but that’s just my day job. I don’t let it define me.” I noticed the entire evening she was interacting with new people and she kept repeating that one line.
Her words stuck with me. It got me wondering: Why do we let what we do define who we are?
Almost always, the first questions when you meet a new person are “How are you?” and “What do you do?” Most people who meet you for the first time don’t honestly care how you are. Why then do we struggle to come up with something more genuine and creative?
There is much to a person other than their job.
Many people work as a necessity and not for pleasure. And those who work out of pleasure, may have unconventional choices. Most of us are so deeply ingrained with stereotypes that the moment we meet someone new and find out what they do, we draw up an opinion and a bias for or against them.
This doesn’t even happen at a conscious level. I’m guilty of it, too.
Society has trained us to segregate people in our minds based on who they are and what they do. It’s tough for us to believe that an artist can be a stellar mathematician, a doctor can be an excellent stock trader, a mail man can be highly qualified or a cab driver can be a billionaire.
Human beings are grey. We’re not black and white.
It’s honestly amazing to have people who are so different. I love a good mystery or a thriller because of the suspense and big reveals. Similarly, I’m fascinated when there’s so much to a person that they reveal in time.
We put people into boxes without allowing them to move.
Society has taught us to define a person based on their job, societal status, and money, much more than the kind of human being they are. We often look the wrong way to help us identify the right people with whom to build deep, meaningful relationships.
So here’s something I’m going to challenge myself to do more often — I’m going to try and start a conversation with anything except “How are you?” and “What do you do?”
You’re probably wondering how else do you start a conversation then?
Here are some things I’m going to try!
Compliment a person or inquire about what they’re wearing
Giving the other person a compliment about what they’re wearing or inquiring where a particular item is from can be a great conversation starter.
Additionally, you can also comment on their vibe or aura. This can lead the conversation to various other topics such as their style, their shopping habits, their favorite brands and can give you insight into a person without knowing what they do.
Ask what their name means
Most often you ask a person their name but not what it means. Taking an additional interest in the meaning behind their name can make the person feel more important and respected.
Showing curiosity beyond just a name can lead conversation to who named them, their family and their origins without touching upon what they do.
Ask for an opinion or talk about the setting
If you’re in a public setting you can always ask another person for their opinion. For example “Are you also feeling cold in here or is it just me?” or “Are you a fan of the food?”
People love being asked for their opinion. They feel seen and heard and honestly most people want to talk too. They just don’t know how to start a conversation.
These conversation starters seem quite awkward when you start, but any change is uncomfortable. I don’t have the results of this experiment yet, but I’m tempted to write about it again once I have enough data.
We’re all responsible for defining ourseleves and others. Our definitions limit our thinking.
Very few people, like the woman I chatted with, will say anything different. Over time, work becomes one of the main aspects from which we draw our own identity. There’s no right or wrong, but it’s important to understand that a job is what a person does, not who they are.
