Missing Days for Myself because I’m Working for Someone Else.
I’m on a mission to write on this platform every day. I already missed the first day because I spend so much time working at my job.
Working for someone else and wanting more for myself is a tricky conundrum. I’m trying to figure out how to apply the principles of recovery in this situation and others.
I try to use medium as a tool to develop my mental and financial positions in life. My problem is my job requires so much of my time and concentration 16 to 18 hours a day. The moments that I do have alone are for sleeping and physically and spiritually taking care of myself. Mentally I struggle to understand where I am most days. I start to re-think if anything that I am doing on here is worthwhile. I participate in Alcoholics Anonymous to live a sober life. I am at a point in my recovery where drugs and alcohol aren’t on my mind today. In my experience, my life continues to get better the longer I stay sober. My problems today are nowhere near what they were my first day sober in recovery.
Where am I ?
Honestly, I’m in a sober rut feeling stuck or owned by my job. I’m very thankful for every day and the opportunities and blessings that have come my way. I’m not exactly unhappy but I want more for myself than what I am doing. I want more out of life and I don’t want to struggle and deal with mental and financial stresses. I hold myself to a high standard in terms of what I can give back to others and especially the people that helped me from the program. I struggle with accepting that I can’t help them as much as I’d like to today. My recovery father is very old school having over 35 years of continuous sobriety. He continues to stay strong and connected to people in the program helping out however and wherever he can. I love him very much for what he has taught and done for me. We still talk every day and really keep a close father-son relationship.
No one at my job of course knows that I am in the program. When I got hired I was seen as antisocial for not attending company parties or dinners. Anytime I got invited to these festivities I am using that time to spend working remotely, attending an AA meeting, or doing God's work. I want more and don’t believe it's wrong of me to want more of myself for just myself.
I want more time and money for myself and to not feel the pressures and burdens of what my jobs expect of me. I want to be able to go to sleep and wake up when I want to. I want to be able to afford to dress what I want and go wherever I want. I want to be able to help my family and friends financially without it stressing me out. I hate how I selfishly want better things for myself but can’t take the time to work for myself.
Final Thoughts?
I’m sorry to the reader for being so conflicted, unorganized, and self-absorbed. All of the articles that I have submitted on the medium are all about myself. I don’t know how to stop talking about myself and start talking about things that may be more interesting to you. I’ll continue to try to find time to work more on me and my writing so that hopefully there will come a time on medium where I am doing better for you and me. If you made it this far in reading thanks and I appreciate you.
