A Man Asked Me To Flash Him On Fiverr
This exchange will haunt me forever.
It’s been half a year now since Covid-19 locked us inside our homes. I sat on the floor of my bedroom with knees to my chest, staring blankly at my computer screen. My inbox taunted me. No new emails.
I tapped my restless fingers on my keypad. Not one publication had emailed me back regarding any of the essays or article requests that I submitted nearly a month ago. The worry transferred from the tips of my tapping fingers to my wiggling, anxiety-ridden toes. What will I do for an income once all of my unemployment funds run out?
The experts have reported that the Coranvirus wouldn’t be going away any time soon. This was officially our new normal and we needed to get accustomed to it. My fiance couldn’t work due to the virus impacting his job and I was a stay at home mom living with a conversion disorder. My life revolved around getting well again and raising two energetic little rascals. Food, bills, rent, and other necessities were costly. Not to mention, my youngest went through boxes of diapers and wipes out the wazoo. As we were six months into the pandemic, I knew that we would no longer be able to depend on unemployment benefits. It was necessary that I become a working mom during these trying times.
Nevermind the days that I was confined to my bed, convulsing uncontrollably because of my psychogenic seizures. Or the hours that my body would contort itself into cramping positions that left me screaming and crying in pain. Two parents without a job could not possibly support a family of four. Something needed to be done about our financial situation no matter our circumstances.
Just weeks ago, my fiance suggested that I find a paying position working from home. That’s when I decided I would finally pursue a career in writing as a freelancer. I spent days after that building a website for myself. I told myself I needed it since it’s where potential clients would look at my work. I intended to have an entire portfolio on the site for all to see.
Much easier said than done. I wasn’t getting any freelance writing jobs to even start a portfolio.
I clicked on the first open tab on my Google Chrome which revealed my completely underwhelming website. The confidence in me dwindled. It was already looking like I would have to search for another job after having decided on an actual profession that was perfect for me.
Or so I thought.
Maybe I just don’t have what it takes. The doubt in myself was coming on strong.
A notification sound chimed off and I clicked on the third open tab. Someone had messaged me on my Fiverr account. Out of desperation, I created an account several weeks ago, offering five different services to write for people.
It was a man from the other end of the globe who had written to me. He claimed that he missed talking to people since the start of quarantine and that he simply wanted someone to have a conversation with. “I’ll pay you $15 for a 30-minute Zoom chat. Nothing weird or inappropriate,” the buyer messaged.
Cue the tip-tapping fingers. I checked my email inbox again. Nothing. Crickets. No gleaming bold letters to greet me with good news.
“Mom! What are you doing?” In walks my 4-year old with her baby brother in tow.
My little tyke plopped down onto the floor beside me and set his mini blue tablet onto his lap. I could see how fascinated he was with the animated farm animals singing familiar childhood songs. I looked at my daughter. Her arms were full of toys that she proceeded to spill onto my bed. “Trying to work,” I eyed the small mountain of barbie dolls and other plastic figurines. “Why?” she asked, her brown eyes big with curiosity. “So that I can make money for us to live,” I answered.
“How do you do that?”
I turned back to the message box. “Make it $25,” I responded on Fiverr. To myself, I said it would all add up after this one gig. I asked my fiance to take our two toddlers on a brief walk around our apartment complex so they would not barge in during the conversation I was about to be paid to have. I watched them equip themselves with their face masks and head out the door.
I entered the Zoom call.
The man, we’ll call him Steve, was nervous and timid looking. He started off telling me about how he was a single father whose wife had passed away in a horrible car accident 2 years prior. It didn’t take long for Steve to reveal his true intentions for messaging me though. You see, he didn’t want to talk about how the Coronavirus was impacting his livelihood as a working man or about problems he and his family were facing living in our new world. In actuality, he wanted me to talk to him about porn and he instructed that I flash him my chest. I told him I wouldn’t do that and I opted out of the video chat as quickly and politely as I could.
So much for the chat being “nothing weird or inappropriate.”
I felt violated after. As if he had reached his hand through my computer screen, tugged, and clawed at the t-shirt I was wearing.
Suddenly, I was reliving that time when I was in second grade and my relative’s estranged husband constantly made me sit on his lap and call him ‘Daddy’. I returned to that time that I was 18-years old when my aunt’s brother-in-law came into my bedroom and sexually assaulted me. Now, in my late-20’s as a mother of 2, during one of the worst global pandemics in history, a stranger from miles away made unwelcome sexual advances towards me on the internet during a business interaction.
It was gross.
Another notification chimed off on my Fiverr account. Steve marked my order as complete and paid me $25.
How humiliating.
There are people all over the world dying and struggling in ridiculous numbers. Yet, men like him with lewd motives are on the internet using the pandemic as a tool to reel someone into a conversation.
This man took advantage of the fact that I was on a website where I was trying to make a financial gain.
A woman should not have to go through something like this for simply trying to make ends meet. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of men demeaning women.
My body is not for sale.
I have spent years trying to heal from the trauma of my rape only to come face to face with another pervert who has left a mark on my mental health.
“Our knees
pried open
by cousins
and uncles
and men
our bodies touched
by all the wrong people
that even in a bed full of safety
we are afraid”
— rupi kaur
This exchange pulled a trigger. It will haunt me forever.
I deleted my Fiverr account and closed my laptop shut.
