Bent, But Not Broken
How the scars and pains given by scoliosis can make you a fighter
I chose a curved tree as the feature image for this article because it reminded me of my spine. It has been 12 years since a major incident occurred in my life that left a permanent scar visibly. I have since changed inside out in ways I could have never fathomed.
In 2009, I was diagnosed with scoliosis — a spine deformity condition that results in constant lower backaches at the very least of its effects. If left untreated, the deformity would worsen, amplifying the pain and damage internally, and that’s exactly what happened in my case. Visibly, someone with this condition would not walk straight because the curving spine would force the person to walk with an incline to one side. Scoliosis typically doesn’t happen because of a sudden accident; mine started during my adolescent years and kept progressing since then. My condition was diagnosed as Idiopathic Scoliosis (no definitive cause) and not congenital (gotten during birth).
When you google the word scoliosis, an interesting fact that stares across multiple articles are somehow, women are more prone (like 8–10 times) to suffer this condition than men. This condition has taken an oath to mess with diversity and inclusion. (Hah!)
Victimized by social stigma
All my life, I would hear from family, friends, strangers to correct the way I walked, to “straighten” my posture, to try and bend the other way (If only it were that simple.). I tried, but it would be so painful to force against the natural way of the spine’s curve, and I would suffer silently, not knowing what to do.
I must mention that when all this was happening, I was growing up in India, where there is little to zero knowledge about this condition to date and no mandated screening for children in schools that could help with early detection. Neither did I own a phone or a personal laptop, and Google wasn’t even big back then to be the one source go-to destination for any question, so I was pretty much in the dark on what was going on me.
Over the years, my lower back pains just got worse until the extent that during the time I was pursuing my Bachelor’s degree, I recall that I could not even stand for a few minutes and would desperately look for something to lean on, like a wall to ease my backache, even for a brief moment.
At the crossroads
Life went on, and I just continued living, accepting I couldn't do long walks or stand for longer times and nothing else majorly impacting my lifestyle. In 2009, I left India for the first time in 22 years to pursue my Master’s degree in Singapore. When I returned to India during my first-semester break, I met with a minor accident while traveling on an autorickshaw on a rundown road. This increased my backache greatly and inevitably prompted my family and me to seek medical attention.
That’s when a spine x-ray finally unveiled the reason for my constant suffering over the years — scoliosis. By this time, the spine’s curvature was already well over 70 degrees, and I was told I should really consider getting a surgical correction as it was too late, water under the bridge, actually, for any non-intrusive resolutions like physiotherapy or braces.
I returned to Singapore to complete my studies and, in parallel, sought out specialists locally to confirm the severity of my condition and the options on hand to find the best way forward. I gave myself a couple of years from 2009 until 2013 with physiotherapy sessions while monitoring if my curve was improving or at least stagnating. But, as ill fate would have it, the curve just worsened year after year, and by 2013, it was already over 75 degrees. Worse still, the spine’s curvature, which in my case was originally C-shaped, had started to become S-shaped, meaning curving on top as well and starting to touch internal organs such as the lung.
I had to make a life-changing decision then to go for a surgical correction. I didn’t know back then what would happen next, but I didn’t have a choice. I had to do it then or sometime later in life to arrest the deformity. But given the reduced chances of recovering from major surgeries with age, I decided to get myself operated on when I was just 26 years old. At this stage, I hadn’t started a family of my own yet, not married, no children, just a boyfriend who was sincerely there for me come what may and my parents.
Embracing the new not-fully-human self
The surgery that was estimated to last for 4 hours ended up stretching 2x more to almost 8 hours (Imagine the nerve-wracking experience for my boyfriend and parents!). I landed straight in the ICU, given the complexity of the surgery. One of my lungs suffered a tear during the spinal correction — this was an unpleasant gift with that lung permanently since then, having a lower breathing capacity. The surgery replaced more than 60% of my boned spine with 2 titanium rods and 13 screws precisely that hold the remainder of my boned spine from curving further.
It was a physically and emotionally draining recovery period in the days and months to come for me. I gave up on several occasions, played the victim card repeatedly, and battled sleepless, painful nights with tears. But, things did get better eventually. Though the surgery could only correct the curve by 50% (now my spine curvature is around 35 degrees), it did enough to arrest persistent backaches and still managed to prevent the spine from further curving and internal damage. I still need to do yearly periodic checks to ensure the curve isn’t worsening, and thank goodness that as of 2020, the spine is still stable.
The new normal for me post-surgery does include staying away from strenuous physical activities, lifting weights, and such. Still, otherwise, light exercises are part of my daily routine, and so is being part of a loving family with my 3.5-year-old and husband.
Emerging a fighter from the scars and pain
I’ve used my past dark chapter to turn it into a passion to be an influencer, not just from a personal experience sharing but also from a professional front.
All the growing focus in organizations on diversity and inclusion gave me a voice to share my personal experience battling scoliosis in global workshops and events. That had colleagues returning to me sharing how my personal fight has inspired them and gave a new perspective to tackle daily struggles.
Channeling the same influencer spirit, I had also embarked on progressively releasing helpful guides around the niche field I specialize in — people analytics, to benefit aspiring professionals not knowing what it takes. Those articles range from gaining a broad overview of the field; to the perfect success recipe and my latest release on the most procrastinated but absolutely crucial skill for the field.
To conclude, on a positive note, I believe there is always hope, and you only really lose when you give up on fighting. Working on your circle of influence and moving forward is the only way to positive progress.
