Dear Writers: Readers Do Not Owe Us Flattery
The art of taking criticism.
No one likes to be publicly called out. No one wants a spotlight piercing down on whatever mistakes they made or points they missed. Everyone wants people to love them and shower them with effusive compliments.
And hey, I dole out compliments as easily as I dole out slices of cake at a birthday party when a piece of writing moves me.
But yes, as a reader, I also shoot truth darts to fellow writers.
While always respectful, I tend to be very direct, and sometimes sharp, in my communication. I am not going to couch a message in a “shit sandwich” like supervisors do when giving employees feedback: start with a positive, add in the constructive criticism (the “shit”), then end with a positive.
I respect writers; I don’t coddle them.
I am also very direct and to the point because the truth means far more to me than does the ego of the writer.
In a post-truth age in which media consumers have difficulty discerning what is true and what isn’t, I believe we all have an obligation to call out when we see blatantly misleading, wrong, false, unsubstantiated, or discriminatory messaging, even amongst fellow writers. I can no longer sit back silently when I see readers blindly support unsubstantiated or wrong information.
Echo chambers breed easy manipulation and distortion of facts. Confirmation bias camouflages superbly when a reader already agrees with practically everything a writer says. Therein lies the danger.
When I write a comment to a Medium article, I am not just writing to the author. I am writing to anyone else who may be listening and reading. People have proven they are far too easily swayed by misinformation and disinformation. We therefore should object to misleading or wrong information when we see it, not just for the writer’s sake, but for the audience’s sake as well, no matter how much it pisses off the writer.
Ask for evidence. Analyze the supporting evidence. Does it come from a reliable source? Does the article address counterpoints and opposing views?
Blocking? Or censorship?
I fully understand that some situations call for immediate blocking — abuse, harassment, insanity, just to name a few. But should a writer block a commenter merely for disagreement? I don’t think so.
When a writer consistently censors messages and blocks any dissenter whose only crime is publicly disagreeing with the writer, unless the commenter was needlessly rude and disrespectful, the writer is not only behaving disingenuously by cultivating an illusion that they are never wrong and never draw criticism. The writer is also terminating potentially fruitful discussions and learning amongst other readers by silencing diverse views. (This is especially ironic from writers who proclaim to promote diversity!)
It is the equivalent of a writer sticking their fingers in their ears and singing “La, la, la, la, la!” to block out any information that might just show the writer got it wrong.
You never know when you’ll strike a chord, when whatever message you say hits the right person at the right time. Many years ago when I had my first son, I wrestled with whether I should quit my job and be a full-time mom or keep working and put my newborn son in daycare. There was no right or wrong choice, but for me, it was a deeply personal one that caused more sleeplessness than did my newborn.
I browsed online the pros and cons of full-time motherhood versus paid daycare. Of the paragraphs of comments that followed one particular article, a two-sentence zinger jumped out at me:
“If you work 60 hours a week, you’re not raising your kids. Someone else is.”
Ouch! Whether or not that is true, it struck a nerve. This commenter, whom I know absolutely nothing about, has no idea that they helped change my life course. Yes, the comment is somewhat judgmental. The commenter probably had zero intention of touching the life of some random reader. But their words hit me at the right time.
Note, in no way am I making any judgments toward parents no matter what they decide. In no way am I suggesting that particular commenter was even right. Point being, had the author of that article silenced the commenter by deleting the comment, it would have stopped a profound message that someone needed to hear at that time.
Taking criticism with grace.
I’m a writer, too. I know it can hurt to read criticism of work you may have spent hours on, carefully selecting and deselecting the precise words that communicate crystal clearly the message you’re trying to get across.
Still, when you receive a critical comment, I’d advise not to respond to it immediately. Step away from the comment. Let it sink in. Respond when the criticism’s sting dulls. If the commenter completely missed the point and is way off base, you can decide whether or not you’ll spend time correcting the commenter.
But when you immediately reply with a brushoff, defensiveness, or haughtiness, it becomes clear that you’re more concerned about trying to save face than clarifying your message or conveying the truth. It shows your ego got an owie and now you have to punch back. Rather than being convincing, defensive and snotty retorts reveal a writer’s insecurities.
Sometimes, if you read criticism with an open mind, you might just learn something.
When I first started writing on Medium, I felt disappointed that I didn’t have any detractors. I certainly appreciated highlights, compliments, and insightful comments, but I thought I must be doing something wrong if no one openly disagreed with any of my articles. Rather than feeling satisfied, I thought maybe my articles were not engaging enough to move a reader to take the time to vocally disagree with me.
Then one day I had my first detractor! I read the critic’s comment with glee, thinking finally I said something that moved someone enough to take time out of their day and engage with my writing.
In a lengthy response to an article I wrote called “CRT Indoctrinates Kids? Guess What? They’re Already Indoctrinated!,” a commenter said this:
“How can you make the true point that our Origin Story is the glue that makes the USA the USA and then assign petty motives to those who resist changing the story?”
My first thought was, “Huh?? I didn’t say THAT!” I thanked the commenter and proceeded to type out a reply. I even hit “Publish.” But then when I went back and re-read my article, I saw exactly what the commenter was referring to. It was this whole section here:
I corrected my response to the critic and began what I thought was a fruitful and engaging discussion. Yes I eventually ended the discussion when it was no longer productive, but I VERY much appreciated this commenter taking the time to share their views and engage. It’s stimulating to read intelligent criticism, even to your own work.
It would be a disservice to readers to delete the commenter’s disagreements with my article and our ensuing discussion. I don’t believe in censoring differing views (unless they are legitimately harmful), including disagreements with me. If I’m wrong, I’ll say so. If I believe my position is worth defending, I’ll defend it. (Admittedly however, repeating myself three times and words shoved in my mouth are usually my limit!)
I am not asking writers to take abuse from commenters. If a comment is needlessly cruel, if a comment is derogatory and not informative or helpful in any way, then I don’t blame you for deleting the comment or blocking the user.
But I lose respect when writers treat readers like children and tell readers, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Just keep scrolling, move along, and don’t type a word that’s not in agreement with me.”
Why share your writing publicly if you’re not willing to hear criticism or disagreement?
As a writer and a reader committed to the truth, I humbly ask, go ahead and share your disagreements with me. Be direct, if that’s your nature. (I said be direct, not a jerk!) If I’ve made a mistake, if I have a blind spot, I’m happy to review. I likely wouldn’t know about my blind spots without constructive criticism.
I don’t write in search of adulation. I write in pursuit of the truth. I write to educate and to learn. To share and to listen. So by all means, feel free to share, even your disagreements, with me!
