Fighting Off Imposter Syndrome
Why is this cloud of self-doubt hanging over me?
I was recently trawling through older pieces of writing that I penned in the earlier half of last year, as a matter of self-reflection. Amongst the myriad of words I wrote, I came across a piece where I discuss Imposter Syndrome and my continual struggle with it. Why of course I found a piece I wrote on Imposter Syndrome, because if I haven’t been affected by this internal experience, am I even a millennial? Or better yet, a millennial female?
I titled the submission “Why is Imposter Syndrome so prominent amongst the millennial generation?” with the subtitle The internalised fear of feeling like a fraud once you have climbed your way up the ladder.
As I made my way through the piece, I started to feel my chest tighten and a lump form in my throat. I felt like I was reliving this internalised fear all over again, despite all of the inner work I had practiced over the past year and the significant improvement I had made in my self-development. I had recently made bold career changes, where I made the decision to completely leave the corporate 9–5 grind. Inside I felt like I had grown so much as a person over the course of 12 months, however reflecting back on this piece made me question this.
If I am still grappling with Imposter Syndrome in my 30’s, will this mean I will never be able to shake off constantly feeling like a fraud? Will I ever overcome this internalised fear? Why is this cloud of self-doubt hanging over me and why am I not the only 30 something asking myself this question?
But then it dawned on me.
The reason re-reading this piece of writing affected me so much was because I realised one of the main reasons I gave up climbing the corporate ladder, was purely due to the effect Imposter Syndrome has had on me.
Despite my many achievements in my decade-long advertising career, I was continuously faced with severe inadequacy and self-doubt. This feeling was only made more prevalent the higher up the ladder I got. I guess the saying goes, the higher you go the windier it is, right?
When reflecting upon my battles with this feeling of inadequacy, I had to ask myself whether I was feeling this way due to my confidence dwindling (which was attributed to situational factors) or was it simply because I was more self-aware?
Has the very act of carrying out more inner work on myself made me feel more like an imposter, or less?
Whilst I do not have the answers just yet, I think we can all agree that current societal structures (hierarchy/status), societal pressures (ambition addiction), and societal norms (choice economy) are linked to this internal self-doubt monologue. No matter the lengths we go to, to get where we are, there is the constant question of how we got here and why we deserve to be here.
And until I find those answers I will constantly remind myself everyday when I look in the mirror, that I am exactly where I need to be. Right here, now.
