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Healthy Relationships Are Harder to Navigate Than Toxic Ones

Cadin
Write Like a Girl
Published in
5 min readSep 30, 2022

Woman standing in the woods holding a fern leave in front of their face
Photo by Lucas Allmann

Although not proven, I can almost guarantee that any person who has ever been in a relationship (or several) can recount one that was toxic to them. A relationship that left them feeling insecure, lacking confidence, and a lot of the times feeling broken inside. Unfortunately, it’s a universal experience, I would never wish upon anyone.

You may disagree with the sentiment of this article, or maybe you resonate with the message, but after speaking with many female friends (and even male ones too), healthy relationships are harder to be in than toxic ones.

You might think that's a preposterous statement that is glorifying toxicity in relationships. I promise it is not, as I would never wish a toxic relationship on anyone.

But there’s a reason why that no matter how different the circumstance, people in the relationship, and even other factors, such as culture and geographic location, we all still tend to settle for toxic relationships.

Despite the fact that we should all be striving toward developing healthy romantic relationships, I think it’s easier to be in a toxic relationship rather than a healthy one. Why you may ask? Here are my thoughts:

“We accept the love we think we deserve”

It’s a cliché phrase with some truth behind the words. A lot of the time the way we feel about ourselves will be reflected in the way we let others treat us.

For example, if you’ve been conditioned to put up with your partner belittling your appearance, values, and/or thoughts it’s likely that you may find yourself normalizing this type of behaviour. You get so used to being treated this way to the point where it doesn’t seem concerning to you and you internalize it for the entire duration of the relationship.

Even when you do realize it is incredibly concerning, it’s sometimes difficult to know how to not let yourself be treated in that manner.

Although an extreme case, i.e. abuse, one study found that self-blame, isolation and lack of

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Write Like a Girl
Write Like a Girl

Published in Write Like a Girl

A publication viewing social issues through a feminist lens.

Cadin
Cadin

Written by Cadin

Documenting my online life anonymously. Writing about what interests and inspires me

Responses (2)

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And to be perfectly honest it took years to correct my arguing style — which is something I sometimes still struggle with.

I really appreciated your honesty in this piece. It felt like you were coming from a place of realness. Thank you!

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This may also be controversial again

I don't think this is controversial, Angela. In fact, I quite agree with you on this one!
And I feel you've quite clearly articulated the reason why. With people we love - friends, family, romantic partners - we sometimes value the relationship so…

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