Let’s Hear It for “Oops” Babies
I was one…and then I had one.
NOTE: The author is fully supportive of full reproductive rights. This article is not intended to provide commentary supportive of anti-abortion arguments. It’s just a story about my family. Other people would have made different choices. I support women’s right to choose.
My mother never hid it from me. She found nice ways to say it, but the truth was, I was an unplanned surprise. An “oops” baby.
When Mom found out she was pregnant, she cried. She had two small children, her husband was working at a car dealership more than 200 miles away and coming back home on weekends. Their marriage was in terrible trouble.
Dad was a job jumper. He’d work at a job for six months or so and either get bored, mouthy, or fed up. Because he was an independent spirit, he chafed when closely supervised, but he was not a slouch. He always found another job immediately. Yet, the lack of stability was wearing on their relationship.
As she sat weeping in the doctor’s office, her doctor admonished her. This was the ’60s, and the world was a different place. He looked her straight in the eye and said, sternly, “This baby is a blessing. You’re very lucky. God is giving you another child.”
She sat up straighter, collected herself, and decided to see the new baby — er, me — as a blessing.
She told me this story many times over the years, and she did it with such honesty and love, I never once felt unwanted.
I was unexpected — and loved.
“Oops” galore
In spite of the widespread availability of birth control in the US, well, accidents happen. As recently as 2011, 45% of all pregnancies in the US were “unintended,” according to a 2016 article in the New England Journal of Medicine.
Interestingly enough, that’s roughly the same rate as it was in the 1960s when I was conceived, according to a National Health Statistics report from 2012.
Clearly, my parents were not alone. And, knowing my inglorious beginning, you’d think that I’d be careful to not let it happen to me. You’d think.
User error
After our first child, my ex and I kept delaying a decision about having a second baby. The marriage was rocky, and we’d generally decided not to discuss expanding the family. There were serious problems.
About five years after our daughter was born, I announced to him, “I’m going off birth control pills because I’m concerned about the long-term health effects. Tag. You’re it.” From that point on, we relied on condoms for protection.
Until one night, when passion ignited and common sense went out the window. Let’s just say we were nowhere near the condom supply in the nightstand.
In my head, I did the math. I was pretty sure my last period was about 10 or 12 days before. Maybe more? Nah, we were probably okay.
The moment of conception
The night passed. Then a day. The following night, I crawled into bed and fell fast asleep. Several hours later — I woke with a start and sat straight up. I had a sensation deep in my gut, slightly painful but more of a feeling of movement.
A primal instinct was awakened. And I knew exactly what it was. Even though I had never, ever felt it before in my life, I felt myself ovulate.
In blissful ignorance and languor, I thought to myself, “Oh, good. No chance of getting pregnant.” I smiled, marveled at the fact that I’d felt ovulation — for what turned out to be the only time in my life — and went back to sleep.
Little did I know, I had actually felt more than ovulation. I had actually been awakened at nearly the moment of conception. I would soon discover that I’d experienced a rare and magical moment.
Whoops-a-daisy reckoning
Within weeks, I recognized the symptoms. Tender breasts, mild nausea, a sensation in the gut. I quietly bought a pregnancy test without telling my partner and gaped at the results.
When I told him, he expressed happiness, and we agreed to rally for the sake of our family. We’d find a way to make things work.
When I told my doctor the story (well, part of the story), he smirked and reminded me that sperm can live up to five days in the female uterus. Five days. I was incredulous. I had probably heard or read that information somewhere, but, unlike semen, it didn’t stick around.
He said this single misunderstanding created a lot of business for him and his colleagues.
Based on the statistics, chances are, there’s an oops baby in your family, whether it’s common knowledge or not. We’re everywhere, it seems.
The marriage lasted a few more years before falling apart. And my son? Yeah, he knows he was an unexpected surprise. And he also knows he’s loved beyond measure.
Some of life’s greatest gifts aren’t planned.
Copyright 2021, Naomi
