The Truth About the Men You’ll Meet on Dating Apps
Fellow hopeless romantics, online dating is failing us.
For those who are looking to find love, the 21st-century dating experience can be very disappointing. Dating apps can feel more like another chore rather than as a romantic experience.
I know I’m not the only other person in the world who feels that way. You are not alone if you romanticize about the day a guy sweeps you off your feet. Romance movies have also set an unrealistic image of what kind of love we should hope to obtain someday.
But should we feel guilty for wanting to be loved?
According to a Pew Research Center report, 30% of U.S.A. adults have used a dating app and 12% of that, say they’ve found a long-term relationship. So while some can still find love on dating apps, most people are still unsteady about the whole process. There are many different kinds of men you’ll meet on dating apps, but I’ve made a list based on my personal experience with men who stood out the most and have taught me a valuable lesson.
#1 — The Guy Who Ghosts You
This one is just offensive when it first happens, but with time it becomes normal. Everyone on dating apps will most likely experience someone never responding to their messages. It could be that someone else on the app has made a better connection with them, or they’re just busy. Just remember not to take it personally.
Being ghosted after a date hurts more. I’m speaking from an experience that occurred a year ago, so I didn’t break social distancing. We’ll call this guy, Rick. After chatting for a few days, we agreed to meet for a picnic date. The conversation we had was excellent, but what I didn’t enjoy was how overly touchy Rick was. He made me feel very uncomfortable. My breaking point was when he placed his hand on my butt without consent. I decided to leave quickly after that.
Although I was upset I was getting ghosted, I realize now that I dodged a bullet with Rick. It taught me to value my boundaries and not let someone overstep them. If someone cannot respect your personal space and boundaries, then they are not worth your time.
#2 — The Guy Who is Only in-Town for a Couple of Weeks
There’s nothing wrong with this kind of guy, but you have to figure out what their intentions are. For privacy purposes, we’ll call this guy Tim. What I appreciated about Tim is that pretty early into our conversation, he stated what he wanted and said that “he was only here for a couple of weeks” and asked “what I’d be down to do” if we hang out. I got the message right away.
There is nothing wrong with hooking up with someone through an app, but I was looking for a genuine connection. I also wasn’t fond of the idea of a hookup and even less interested in doing so in the middle of a pandemic where in our state, it is mandatory to wear face masks in public. Sorry, but the idea of passing germs is not on my to-do list.
I have discovered that the men who are only in town for a couple of weeks are usually looking for something casual. Tim taught me to be more direct about asking other men what they were looking for on a dating app.
#3 — The Guy with a Girlfriend Check-list
Now, there is nothing wrong with a man who knows what they want, but if a conversation feels like it’s a job interview, then run the other way. We shouldn’t forget that the process of getting to know someone should be enjoyable even if it is different through a screen.
Jay is someone who had particular requirements, one which was finding a partner who had a great relationship with her family. He stated that his ex-girlfriend didn’t, which put “a lot of strain on her and by association him.” Now, I agree that it’s great to be a family orientated person.
However, I don’t think the quality of a family relationship contends whether a person is worthy of being a potential partner. Nobody is perfect. We all have our flaws and personal problems. Jay and I didn’t talk further due to different values. I believe what matters is a stable connection to someone who is a good person rather than finding the perfect person who probably doesn’t exist.
#4 — The Flirt
I’ll admit it can be very ego-boosting to be talking to several guys who are attracted to you on dating apps. It feels even better when some of them flatter you. But trust me, nothing feels romantic about your potential partner flirting with a dozen other women.
It is important to remember that if you are looking for genuine love, flattery will not make it in the long-term. Flirting can demonstrate to someone that you are attracted to them. But It is also essential to understand when the flirting is innocent and when it becomes intrusive.
For example, Mike and I quickly hit it off on a dating app. There was a lot of innocent flirting, for instance, complimenting our facial appearance until it felt intrusive. Mike began talking about sex and how touchy he was, stating that he’d always try to “touch my butt.” Which felt overwhelming to hear from a guy I had only been talking to for less than three days.
I took this sign as a red-flag, but it raises the importance of knowing what your boundaries and comfort levels are. If, after stating you’re not comfortable with something and it continues, then that shows a lack of respect for you.
#5 — The Nice Smart Guy
If you’re a fellow hopeless romantic, this is the kind of guy we all hope to find on dating apps. I’d say that most of the men on dating apps are relatively friendly, but if there is a genuine connection, then it elevates the excitement levels.
That’s how I felt when I matched and talked with Felix. We connected in many areas, for example, in music, politics, humor, culture, and ambition. Our conversations were flowing smoothly. However, I was unsure if he was into me at all because he had stated he was looking to develop a friendship first, and flirting was nonexistent between us.
He was also only in town for a couple more weeks before he had to go back to school, but never indicated to me he was looking for anything casual. Until we were discussing what our upbringing was like with strict parents. I stated I wasn’t allowed to have sleepovers until the age of eighteen and had to lie about being in my friend’s dorm room all night. He then said, “Damn, you want to have a sleepover sometime?” I sighed with disappointment.
To clarify, I would be at college parties and not having sleepovers with any boys, but I didn’t feel like Felix deserved an explanation, I simply moved on when his intentions became clear to me.
The interaction with Felix reminded me to know my worth. I could’ve easily excused his question as a joke or be mislead by the idea of a potential relationship with him. Sometimes it’s better not to let ourselves be blinded by what our hearts want and instead pay attention to those red-flags that arise when you’re first getting to know someone.
After my interactions with Mike and Felix, I was disappointed and frustrated, leading me to take a break from dating apps. This experience made me realize how easy it can be to stereotype a group of people because of the actions of a single individual, and that is not fair. It is also not reasonable to assume something is wrong with you if things don’t work out. There are great people out there who genuinely want to find love.
To answer my first question, we should never feel guilty about wanting to experience love. It is a human necessity. It is also essential to understand if you are romanticizing the idea of being in love or genuinely searching for true love. Online dating might not feel like the romance movie we imagined our love life would be like, but it doesn’t mean it’s impossible to find love that way. Relationships aren’t what movies make them seem to be. They’re a lot of hard work and not just filled with romance.
In summary, remember to be patient and not let a bad experience with someone dictated your whole opinion on dating apps or a group of people. Don’t lead with the illusion of falling in love but rather with the qualities of the person. Pay attention to red-flags, have set boundaries, know your values, and, most importantly, remember your worth.
The truth is dating apps might not be the best for you, and that is entirely okay. Dating apps can be a great asset to learn what it is you are looking for in a partner. But don’t feel forced to take part in them because it seems like everyone else is, instead take time to figure yourself out. There is no correct timing to finding love.
