Write to think.

“Go upstairs and write whatever comes to mind.”

11/23/15
10:00pm

**How we live now…**

I’m already distracted. I feel anxious about writing. Like I don’t have any clear thoughts or any confidence in what I’m saying to say it.

It’s easier to be destructive than constructive. It’s easier to be afraid and easier to act out of fear than believe that things will be good.

I love him. He is always growing in unpredictable ways. He pushes me to grow too. Sometimes, I feel a sense of not being accomplished enough, if he excels at something new. Or if he is closer friends with people. But it’s not a zero-sum game, I know that. But still there’s some fear.

Keep going.

This is an exercise in flow. As soon as you put consciousness and self-doubt on it, it won’t flow. It’s the same with the clay. Too much thought, too much work. You’ll end up with nothing.

The brain is already ready to do its thing, your soul, your sex drive, your love, your body.. they are all geared up and ready to shine. And then there’s this watchdog. The watchdog doesn’t let things through. The watchdog is hella afraid. Bang he’s dead. I’m sick of writing about you.

Lately artificial light is hitting me at a new level. It’s too blue. Blue isn’t even a color that most tribes had names for.. now it’s our sun? “That blue glow”. Feels like AI is tending towards blue… i wanna make it orangey yellow. WAARRRRRM inviting.

I don’t know what thread I’m on. I came to talk about some new things that are creeping up in our world. 1. we look at pictures of nature on screens. 2. we make lights emit vitamin D 3. we pay people to cuddle us. These are good because they make people feel better about a lot of things in the moment. But they also make me sick.

This is so much better than perfecting a text. I can think here. I can feel here. This is like the playa. An open canvas. You can go to burning man every day. It’s just a blank IA writer.

Swimming would be like burning man if I could swim any which way I wanted in the pool. I’d twirl and swim diagonally. Sometimes I’d make HUGE FUCKING SPLASHES. SPLASHY SPLASHY. Sometimes I’d be a delicate little ballerina that I am.

#Writingastherapy. Focus, output.

Space. It’s the fact that there is so much space.

UIs don’t give you any space. They are rigid. Apps are rigid. You flow from this to that, tap one small thing to the next. Point to point. Shunted from A to B.

We’re not meant to think like that. We have this beautiful mind that can go on a thousand interesting tangents.

Gimme that blank space. Open space. Acoustic space.

Then we can really go somewhere.

10:15pm