A LETTER TO MY CRUSH
Dear crush,
In the next life, choose me.
My longing crush, I waited and waited so long for you to choose me, but you did not. It is not that I am complaining, but rather urge you to fall in love with me in your next life.
This article is about one-sided and non-toxic love. The love we all feel that we had somewhere, at some time, with someone special. A love full of expectation, full of hope, and full of innocence. This little thing we called CRUSH.
I am not a person who is easily attracted to people, but this time my heart melted a little bit. It was not love at first sight, I did not feel anything when I saw him first time. Just like every normal meetup we saw each other, smiled forcefully, and went in two different directions of the house. Yep, that is it! That was our meeting. Unintentionally this time during a meet, when I was being judgemental suddenly he appeared and I tried to ignore but he somehow managed to get my attention.
Firmly my attention was not on him rather it was on a girl beside him, who was feeling awkward about a bunch of guys making fun of her, and then suddenly this appeared and helped her and shooed guys out. This is something new but him offering his jacket to her, to make her feel comfortable melted me. The night was young, it was hard for me to un-notice him. However that day my respect for him increased.
The next meeting was personal as I invited him to my home for an intimate family get-together. Though he was a bit confused in the beginning as we were so close to each other, he somehow managed to appear. I welcomed him and so did my family wholeheartedly. He entered the house, removed his shoes at the entrance, and touched my parents’ feet( in India it is considered a traditional way of seeking blessing from elders), and this made my heart smile. He was happy and making him smile made my heart flutter. I devoted my whole day just noticing his small gestures for others, putting his used plates into the kitchen sink himself, helping my mother set up the table, talking to my grandfather, and listening to his stories so patiently made me fall in love with him. After spending an amazing day with my family he thanked me for inviting him and promised me to come and visit again my family. I wanted to hug him so tightly and wanted to hold him forever in my arms. Wanted to ask him to stay forever in my heart. I walked him to the main gate of the house, and we stopped for a minute, I thanked him for coming, we waved at each other and he turned in another direction and started walking toward the end of the street, and I waited till he completely vanished in the crowd.
Usually, poets write about lovers looking at each other without anyone noticing them, but what about the intimacy of looking at someone without even waiting for his answers? That look is full of love and hope that someday he will also look back at you with the same affection. When your glad eyes want the same fondness, that same love but they don’t get it. And his sore eyes hurt and still you have to smile; smile like nothing happened, smile like it didn’t hurt, smile like it your hope hasn’t been crushed.
However, I was never able to express my feelings to him because of the fear of rejection and fear of even losing his friendship. But somebody was courageous enough to accept and express her feelings to him. They both are in a happy relationship now. Though I am still stuck with my one-sided love but still happy for him. We don’t talk much now, for him I am still a common friend who cares a lot about him.
So, Dear crush in our next life I want to you fall in love with me, to look back at me with the same affection and love, to hug me tightly, to peck a kiss on my cheek, and to hold my hand forever.
Not in this life maybe, but please be mine in the next.
Yours Dearly,
One-sided lover
