English is Utter Nonsensical Nincompoopery

A perplexing ode to English’s oxymorons

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposite? (I made this with my poppycock design skills.)

Of all the things I have to be happy about in life, having English as my native language is near the top of the list. It’s the cat’s pyjamas. Well, if you’re American it’s the cat’s pajamas.

And that there is the first reason I’m thrilled that I never had to learn English as a second language. It’s hard.

As a Canadian my English spellings are time-shared in my brain bucket by mom and dad, England and America. If I’m traveling to the US, I use one ‘L’ but travelling in England requires two.

English is ridonkulous.

In fact, it’s such balderdasherous poppycock that I wrote a lil ditty about it.

*Ahem.

English is illogically ludicrous
womb is pronounced “woom”
and tomb is “toom”
but bombs go boom

English is ostensibly oxymoronic
it’s seriously funny to be almost ready
you can be all alone and yet act normally
but you’d be clearly confused to be called pretty ugly

The term crash landing sounds deceptively honest
and negative growth sounds overbearingly…