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On Waiting for Someone
A pivot tilts our existence
Isn’t it the bitterest of feelings — the feeling of waiting for someone with bated breath? This feeling that courses in your body like a second stream of blood, that spreads like fog in your mind, sounds like sweet chimes of a far-off temple to which you must go, but you can’t. This feeling that seeps into the marrow of your bones, into the deepest recess of your being, to the core your soul, until everything else fades away, leaving behind only this one desire, this one longing, this one ache. And so deep you drown in this feeling that every other sensation dampens and you are melted, you are dissolved in this feeling. In their wait.
In this state, you are reduced to a binary being. A being whose future hinges on the pivot of yes and no, this or that, will they or will they not. It is an impulse that keeps you on the edge for something to happen or for someone to call, sometimes for a few moments and sometimes as long as a lifetime.
Your life becomes stagnant, immobile, frozen in this tug between the forward flow of time towards the future, and the backward pull of your desire into the past.
While the world sails ahead, you stand rooted looking backward. While the external seasons change and spring blooms, turning everything into a kaleidoscope of blazing colours, the season within…
