Waking Out of Bipolar
A poem
You wake up with a fright
sure that this life
your life
though once bellyful.
is not adequate.
you wake up, exposed
to this reaper
from the night
you haven’t DONE
enough
even for yourself
to proclaim
that
from the bodies of life you were
given
“I was worth,
I was worth,
I am worthy!”
—
the pet mice
that died
when I was just a child
I was in my parents’ care
they, in mine
left outside
in a metal cage.
now that the ant colony has claimed them
—
you wake up
with a fright
Is the soul eternal?
Is it even true
the soul
that mirrors me to you
I’ve felt that light.
danced in the ecstasy
of my own expanding vibration
I’ve also dropped the threads
of all my dreams and wishes
on the ground
down the tunnel
to wait this one life
out
believing that
moody makings
of the mind
are myth
and
blind us from seeing
level to level
with the real
a dim
barren reality
for the abyss does stare back
I call it desperation
on both ends
a singular experience
that leads to overwhelm
an emotional creation
what the mind can do
to take this life
and beat it, bruise it,
trying to make it new
a vacuum of the inner-verse
it’s a pain
and it’s a shame
it’s an obliteration
of disappointment
and of the pressures
of meaning-
and its lack.
a devaluation of slivers, for beginnings
beginnings with the way humans live
with their environment
you wake up
with a fright
you take a look around
feeling for a thread
a morsel
in your breast
and you stay curious
for the day to come
—
I am an American from Ukraine. I have suffered with bouts of hope and hopelessness throughout my life and this poem is my way of working through the underpinnings of what brings out my perception and affects my moods that affect my actions. Thank you so much for reading. I welcome comments.
