Do I Have To Pay For the First Date To Be A Feminist?

It’s Feburary 12th.

For 38.2% of people that means close to nothing (count me in on this stat), but for the other 61.8% of the population that means two days until the over-hyped (and in my opinion, ridiculous) day that we call Valentine’s Day.

While it is just another day to me, for over two-thirds of the population it means expectations of flowers, candy, giant teddy bears, gushy love notes, and overly-expensive dinners. And with these overly-expensive dinners is where my discussion for today lies.

I was talking with my roommate (we’ll call her Katie) who was going on a first date to a nice dinner in downtown LA and we were discussing how she should handle the check when it came. She said that at best she would make a fake grab for her purse, but that she expected him to pick up the entirety of the bill and in fact would be offended, and wouldn’t want to go on another date with him, if he didnt. Well, this shocked me and let me tell you why.

Katie and I both self-identify as feminist. How do I know that? Well she literally took the survey I made on asessing feminism and cliked the box that said ‘feminist’ (shameless plug - if you’re reading this please take my survey here). So naturally I assumed that since we’re advocating for equality regardless of gender that it is only right that women and men can both split a dinner bill. I mean who am I to demand equality of gender on all other fronts but then expect every male to pick up my dinner tab — I mean there is literally a saying that says ‘put your money where your mouth is’. So if my mouth is talking gender equality and equal rights my money is going to be splitting that diner tab.

So, naturally this brought up the question: Is it anti-feminist to expect a guy to pay the bill?

While the logic seemed clear to me, when I told Katie my point of view she didn’t get it. She said that it was only right that he pick up a dinner bill if he had any interest in dating her or getting to know her better. That, in her mind, it all really evened out in the end for two main reasons: One — the gender pay gap. Women still earn only earn 77 cents to a man’s dollar, so it didn’t matter if the guy paid because I mean it just helped even things out economically in the end. And, two — because on average women have to spend so much more money and time making themselves ‘attractive’ to men and getting ready for the date (ex. clothing, highlights, makeup, hair removal etc).

Using these reasons Katie felt that it was no big deal to expect guys to pick up a dinner tab, but I still dissagree. I’m not saying in order to self-identify as feminist that you MUST split every bill in your life evenly, but I do think it raises a red flag.

Making men pay for dinner dates isn’t going to help eliminate the gender pay gap and just because their are societal expectations that urge women to strive for a certain ‘stardard of beauty’ doesn’t mean we should get special treatment. I mean, after all, feminism is “advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.”

So if you’re the 2/3 of people celebrating Valentine’s Day this February 14th (or even if you’re the 1/3 that’s not) why not split the bill. It may not cure gender equality and fix the pay gap, but it sure as heck won’t hurt.

If we want to be seen as equals we have to act like equals and if thats comes at the cost of paying for my own food then I’m not mad about it and you shouldn’t be either.