4 Simple Mental Models I Adopt To Feel Better
… and you can do it too.
I read somewhere online that we are not supposed to say “Why is this happening to me” but we must ask “Why is this happening for me”. Often, I could not grasps this idea. Being human, when life knocks me down, I don’t bother to ask why this is happening for me.
One simple incident gives me the light bulb moment of why life is happening for me.
Recently, due to my wife’s working commitment, my family and I moved to a new country 10547.64 KM away from home. With that, it brings a 360° total change to our life and we must adjust, whether we like it or not. One major change for me is to become a househusband or a stay-at-home dad if that is what they called it nowadays.
Now, where were we? Oh, it’s my light bulb moment.
I was walking to a grocery store yesterday and as a result of feeling bored (and a little bit empty) I took a short 11 seconds video of my walk and posted it on my Instagram story
It simply translates as “I am just going to TESCO, even (only) that I want to upload. I have no life. Sigh”.
At that moment, I felt my life was meaningless. Here I am in this new country, with no job and what I do is just record this and upload it to social media. How pathetic is that?
Little did I know that this simple and close-to-no-meaning incident gives me some insights into life. I didn’t expect any response let alone feedback from that Instagram story. To my surprise, friends are responding and it allows me to have a fresh outlook on my life.
From my perspective at that moment, life is mundane with no excitement. Friends reminded me otherwise. Here are the 4 simple mental models I adopt to feel better based on the feedback received from my friends ( Thank you, you know who you are!).
1. ACCEPTANCE
This is life. Indeed. This is my life, now. It may not be as exciting as it should be, but this is it. Going to the store and buying groceries is life. Cooking for the family thereafter is life. Taking care of the house chores is life. On the bright side, there is no more four-hour commute a day for me just to get to and from work. Yes, there will be no more salary every month but let’s think about that later.
This makes me realise that life is as how I see it. Acceptance of “what is” changed my perspective on how I see things, and how I reframe thoughts to my advantage. If I perceive a certain outcome, it will be. My task is to reframe it so that it brings joy to my life. Acceptance creates a pathway towards a non-complaining attitude and eventually brings peace within. I need that peace. Haha.
2. PRESENCE
This reminds me to be mindful and enjoy every single second of my life. Although I am away from home, this new country is my home now. Some would trade places with me, just to be living in a foreign country and undergo this adventure. I am chosen to be here and why am I complaining? (not out loud but silently through my thoughts).
I should just be here and enjoy. Watch the season change (there are no four seasons in my home country). Try new things. Eat that food. Explore that Park. Do whatever, of course within the ambit of the law. The key is to be present and embrace the moment, and the days to come. Let go of my worries, my emptiness and my anxieties.
3. YOU DO YOU
Simple. I will do whatever I want to do. I will not bother about what other people think. As long as I don’t disrupt other people’s business, I shall live my life on my own terms. Truthfully, people don’t really care. They have their own problems and my life is none of their concern. I was consumed by the idea of how my actions affect people and trying not to annoy them by posting something on social media. People don’t really bother so why am I so afraid?
I must stop worrying and start living. It is time to stop letting other people’s opinions intrude on my conscious mind. People are entitled to their opinion, and I am entitled to choose whether the opinion is to be considered or let it fly away.
4. GRATEFUL
Being chosen to live abroad is a blessing. I must not forget that. Things might be a little bit rough at the moment, but this is just the beginning and it is just a phase. Things will be better soon. Gratitude is positive energy. I understand that there must be something to be grateful for in any situation, no matter how bad or detrimental it can be. This attitude allows me to think from a different mindset and act for my own good.
From now on, when my alarm rings, I will say a little prayer and express my gratitude for this life, this morning and this day. I have been given this time to experience this and I shall embrace it to the core.
So, what are your simple mental models to feel better?
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