5 Steps to Conscious Living
The frustration of being misrepresented or misunderstood is real! The realization that no matter how you explain yourself, you will always be judged by another’s opinion of your actions rather than your self explained purpose is hellish!
On the flip side, the frustration of being manipulated and controlled is real! The realization that no matter how much a person swears they mean one thing, you cannot be 100 percent sure they are being legitimate is hellish!
It’s all a game, right? In the most simple terms there are the users and the used. The used are those that accept, that allow others to dictate what they believe and how they act. The users are those that recognize the gullibility in others and use it for their own gain or for their idea of the other’s good. We all fall into either category at some point in life for good or ill.
The easiest example is the parent child relationship. Parents are users and children are the used. Of course, you can raise a child to be a user or used but in the act of raising the child, the parent is predominantly the user, to a certain point. Kids are not above manipulation, though, so there are cases where the reverse is true. Other examples include such top down relationships as government-people, company-employee, religious leader-adherent. In all these cases, it is also possible to reverse the power dynamic, just like the kid parent relationship.
However, this dynamic does not just exist in top-down structures but even in peer to peer structures. Examples of this exist in every relationship. Indeed, everything we do for anyone outside of ourselves is a manipulation of sorts (user), and anything we take in from anyone outside ourselves is an act of trust (used).
How do we live in a world where actions and intentions can be so disparate?
STEP 1: Realize that every action has multiple possible intentions and any intention can result in any number of actions. That is the simplest formula in the grand equation. Beyond that, there is no linearity to it, at all. We must break away from linear reasoning altogether. My perspective is one of many so my line of reasoning will be the same, one of many. What is automatic to me can be absurd to someone else and vice versa. This takes some degree of mental abstractness. You must be able to stand outside of yourself mentally and see yourself objectively. Your actions have intentions. What are they? You have certain intentions. What action best describes those intentions to the target audience? Take no action unless intentions are considered, weighed and chosen.
STEP 2: Recognize that the structure though subconscious in many respects is not hidden or a secret. People have been harnessing and using the structure from humanity began. Ignorance cannot be an option, however blissful you may think it is. This is not some esoteric hidden knowledge, merely common sense that is often ignored by the masses. Watch it play out in its many iterations in your own life and the lives of others. Study the complexities and multiplicities of it. Learn to see it in every day life and interaction until it is as easy as the action of any one of your five senses.
STEP 3: Decide what type of person you want to be in this structure. One may think it is automatic where you fit but as we saw from the above examples the power structure does not always determine your destiny. You can be a subordinate user. Granted this is more difficult for obvious reasons but it is by no means impossible. Playing into this decision is the realization that for the most part a used’s mental life is easy; you pick user and you follow them, end of story. The user on the other hand, has a much more difficult journey mentally. They must think for both themselves and the used and must also protect from other users. While we are on this step, I would be remiss not to mention the ‘secret third option’. The neutralist is neither used nor a user but recognizes them both and chooses to engage or not with either. This is my preferred option. It is perhaps the most difficult one, though, as it involves disengaging from much of what makes life enjoyable. I will not go into great detail about the different options beyond the simple definitions here and above because the complexities and variations are so multitudinous that we would be forever defining. There are for example, users that are used, used that are users and neutralists that are one or both of the other at any given time. The dynamic nature of the structure means that it exists in every part of our lives; and so, in many respects this step is a constant repetitive decision that is being made.
STEP 4: Develop your own style, or variation on the theme by tailoring your actions and intentions accordingly. Up to this point, everything was about observation of both yourself and others. Now that a decision has been made, it is time to experiment and start to practice what you have learned through observation. Thus far, you have observed other users; now let them use you in some minor way to observe them up close in action. You have observed used; become a user to them in some benign way just to see how it works. You have observed neutralists; talk to them about what they have observed and compare notes if they are willing. If you are uncomfortable using the structure then challenge it. Find a user and call them out. Find a used and wake them up, if you are able. Notwithstanding the instructions here, realize that this a completely subjective step and only you can decide where this takes you, based on the work done in STEPS 1–3. Furthermore, in many ways this step is accomplished over a lifetime. A growing maturing individual will always be making little tweaks here and there to their style, adapting to changing circumstances, cultures, relationships, ideologies and religions among other things. There is no right or wrong way to do it, only accepting the consequences that come with your decision and actions. Having said this, I want to emphasize that I do not endorse using this to hurt other people, even bad people. Unfortunately, the knowledge and practice of this does allow you to do that, if you so choose.
STEP 5: Beware of emotions. This is the #1 tool of the user. Emotions are responsible for some of the most ill advised decisions the world over. This does not mean emotions are bad; it just means they are easily manipulated. This means you must learn to control your own emotions, recognize when they attempt to manipulate your intentions (yes, that’s a thing), and recognize emotional versus rational actions in others. This is the key to clarity because even after having understood and mastered the first four steps, you can still become a victim to emotional negligence (we are human after all)which can derail all progress on other fronts.
Repeat STEPS 1–5 as needed. This is a lifetime assignment and these steps are really just the bare bones of it. You will have to learn and re-learn the varied intricacies of whatever society/culture you live in and tailor your journey to it.
There are no easy answers, ready cut solutions or shortcuts. This will take serious mental and emotional work and once you have achieved some degree of competence, will even challenge your moral outlook. You have to be able to wrestle with the technical and sentimental dynamics and the ethics of it.
My purpose here is simply to raise awareness so that everyone can make the conscious choice for themselves of what they want to be. I am also not an expert by any means, just an observer who wants to share what he has seen.
Finally, as you may or may not have figured out by now, this is not a win, it’s an out. There is no complete freedom in this life from misrepresentation or manipulation, only the attempt at control of the structure immediately around yourself that propagates this phenomenon. You will never have perfect control in most respects; but you will gain clarity and hopefully the frustration of it will be lessened by your understanding of and ability to use the system.
