How I started to cherish a relative after she died
A distant relative; the only time I saw her true self was the last.
I will remember you for a long time to come. I will remember you as a big, beautiful woman.
A woman who did not fit in with other stereotypes of my family. The raspy voice, the chubby built, and the deep laughter made you stand out.
I never liked you. To be fair, I never knew you.
We’ve had only a few encounters over a span of 10 years. Even though, I saw you often enough our conversations were limited to greetings and goodbyes. I remember you as my sister’s preschool teacher.
Unlike me, mother took comfort in striking conversations with you. I thought it annoying, that you and your children were at every event at aunties’.
Maybe I was jealous or maybe I wasn’t comfortable with the fact, that we weren’t related. But to mother, you were one of the people whom she enjoyed striking up conversations with a lightened face.
The earliest memory of you is in my sister’s preschool; where we were attending a parent-teacher meeting. I remember Mother’s rant to you about a kid who bullied my sister into taking her snacks.
Mother always praised you, but her acceptance and naivety towards other people always baffled and irritated me. Therefore, to me, you were never a good person, until the last time we met.
I did not hate you, but I felt a twinge of unkindness toward me. You avoided eye contact and talked expressionlessly like I was a hated friend to you; whenever I offered greetings to you.
The last time, at the birthday party you moved me. While the superficial and self-absorbed people took pride in mingling and socializing, you selflessly limited your presence to the kitchen. I have observed, for most, the temptation for socializing overrides the need to help out a close aunt or cousin during an event. You took over the kitchen so that your morbidly ill aunt wouldn’t have to take care of the chores by herself, who unwillingly had to host her grandson’s birthday party.
I never saw you conversing with the guest, only in the scorching kitchen heat taking up chores for the party, and encouraging aunt to sit back and take things easy. I empathize and plead guilty for misunderstanding you.
I have a hard time accepting that amid the others, you will not be present at every intimate family event. I will miss having the diversity of a chubby woman with a warm demeanor. Though I would call others my blood relatives, their similar blank, lifeless faces and personalities and small built, will not provide the diversity and empathy that you did.
I dread attending another event, where among just even 5–10 close relatives, you; the cousin of my cousins will not be there.
Selflessness and sincerity will never fail to impress me. As the breadwinner, the homemaker, and a beautiful person I hope you have taught the boys well; everything it takes to lead independent, and fulfilling lives.
I, among the rest, know how it feels and what the challenges relying on a single parent’s goodness and role, to lead a successful life brings.
I hope their father succumbs to the positivity around him; because I know it is possible to turn selfless and kind for the sake of your helpless offspring. If not, I hope both the young men, find the love and care that they need and deserve.
